Dear New Mama,
I saw you sitting alone at play group the other day. You looked tired and sad. I could see you playing with your wee babe, trying to interact and be present, but it was like there was an invisible wall between the two of you. I also saw you listening to the other mamas talking about “Baby & Me” yoga while their little ones happily did some tummy time, but you never chimed in. In fact, you never spoke to anyone the entire time I was there.
I could feel your sadness from across the room and it made my heart ache. It was like you could barely stand being there at all, but that the alternative – being at home alone – wasn’t tolerable either.
I don’t know what your name is, or what your real story is, but I just want to tell you that I think I understand. Three years ago I was you, except I didn’t even have the nerve to attend play groups with my guy. Listening to other “normal” mamas talk about how much they were enjoying motherhood all the while effortlessly doing whatever it was that their babes needed made me feel inadequate. I fretted about every single trip out of the house, and questioned whether I even loved my baby. In the quietness of my home, and in the loneliness of my mind, I contemplated doing things to my baby and myself that scared me.
I felt disconnected from everyone, resentful of my helpless newborn, and ashamed that I had these feelings.
I want you to know that it gets better. I want you to know that it’s okay to admit to someone that you think you need help. I also want you to know that you’d be surprised at how many of those mamas who sound like they’re having the most magical time of their lives are actually struggling, just like you.
Tell someone how you’re feeling. Be honest, not ashamed, and let them help you. If you don’t think you have someone like that in your life, then you can ask me.
You’re a good mom.
~ Arja Lytle
Arja Lytle is a Holistic Nutritionist from Toronto, Canada. She is also the mama of a happy 3 year old,and survivor of postpartum anxiety. She uses her passion for hormone balancing and love of whole foods and nutrition to guide women towards feeling their best and living with vitality. She can be found on Twitter @BalanceBodySoul, on Facebook or blogging on her website Balance Body & Soul Nutrition.
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Thanks for sharing this, Arja. I’ve been that mom. I’ve seen that mom. I’m so glad that it got better. That it gets better.
Reading your letter took me back to how I felt at those early play groups. Thank you for sharing. There is hope.
Arja, this was me. I was just a shell of myself. It is so important to remember that there is always hope.
I’ve definitely been there. Thank you for writing this.
Love the simplicity of this, and the clarity of the message. Thanks.
Wow, this had me in tears. I was that mum at play group this very morning. I didn’t want to go but staying home all day is still too frightening on some days.
Three months into recovery and I still can hardly stand the stab of jealousy I feel when I see other “normal” mums. When I grieve all I have lost under fog these last five months. Five months that were suppose to be the best of my life.
I hold on desperately to your promise that I will get better. Thank you for sharing.