The woman is sitting on the side of her bed. She’s wearing rumpled sweatpants and a t-shirt. Her hair is mussed and she’s not wearing makeup. On her face is a look of sadness and a faraway stare. Or maybe a few tears streaming down.
That is the picture most people see when they think of the symptoms of postpartum depression. We’ve learned to believe what depression looks like from television commercials for Prozac or Zoloft. Depression equals sadness, crying and despair. If we don’t look like that woman in the TV ad, then we’re not sure we even have depression or anxiety. We often think we’ve simply gone crazy, or there’s something else drastically wrong with us … but not depression.
The truth is there are a wide variety of symptoms pregnant and new mothers may experience when it comes to having antenatal or postpartum depression or anxiety. One size does not fit all, I always say, and one woman with PPD may look and sound completely different from the next one. That is why, for this installment of our Six Things series we are focusing on the six symptoms of postpartum depression and anxiety that will likely surprise you.
1) Anger – In all the years that I’ve spoken to mothers about postpartum depression, they are always most surprised by rage and irritability as symptoms of postpartum depression, yet so many of you experience this. It may be that everything makes you angry. Or your baby, or partner, or older children are irritating you at a level that you have never felt before. You might want to throw things, or yell at everyone. Some of you tell me you know that you shouldn’t be so mad all the time, but you can’t help it, and you’re worried about how rough you are being with the people you love. For more on this, you might like The Rage of Postpartum Depression.
2) Brain Fog – For many of us, our brains just don’t work as well when we have postpartum depression and anxiety. We have a hard time remembering things. Thinking of the right words, or any words for that matter. We can’t multitask as well as we used to. During my bout with postpartum OCD, I used to drive through stop signs, finding myself out in the middle of an intersection before I realized I hadn’t stopped. If your mind is cloudy and you feel like you’ve lost at least 20 IQ points since you had your baby, you’re not alone.
3) Scary Thoughts – Most people think they’re in full control of their thoughts. I know I had no idea whatsoever that your mind could think a thought you didn’t want it to. Then I got introduced to intrusive thoughts, which are scary thoughts that enter your mind that you don’t want and that are very upsetting but that continue to plague you. Often they start with the phrase “what if,” as in what if I did this terrible thing or what if that awful thing happened? It’s like walking around having mini-nightmares all the time. Intrusive thoughts are a sign of postpartum anxiety and OCD, and NO, they do not mean you’ve turned into some horrible monster. For more on this, you might like Does Having Scary Thoughts Mean You’ll Act on Them?
4) Numbness – If you think women with postpartum depression are full of strong emotions, sad and crying all the time, and instead you feel nothing whatsoever, you may be surprised. Some of you tell me that you feel only emptiness. You are just going through the motions, doing the things you know you are supposed to do but not really feeling it inside. If you are disconnected from things you used to care about and it feels as if you are hovering over your life looking down on it but no longer part of it, it’s worth talking to your doctor. This is not what new motherhood is supposed to feel like. For more on this, you might like Profoundly Alone: The Disconnection of Postpartum Depression.
5) Insomnia – Sleep when the baby sleeps, they say. But what if you can’t? It’s pretty shocking for a new mom who has never been more exhausted in her life to be unable to sleep. You keep thinking that eventually you’ll just crash, but you don’t. Or you fall asleep fine but then you wake up and can’t go back to sleep. All new moms are tired, but not being able to sleep when you have the opportunity to can be a sign of postpartum depression or anxiety. For more on this, you might like On Postpartum Depression and Insomnia.
6) Physical symptoms – Most women expect postpartum depression to impact their mind only — how they are feeling. But for some of you, PPD manifests as physical symptoms. I hear from new moms who are suffering with headaches, back aches, upset stomachs, nausea or even panic attacks that make them feel as though they are having a heart attack. If you are suddenly plagued by aches and pains that don’t appear to be caused by the flu or food poising or any other illness, they may be symptoms of postpartum depression.
As always, the best thing to do is reach out to your doctor if you are having these or other symptoms of postpartum depression or anxiety. While PPD is very common, it is not normal. You don’t have to feel this way as a new mother, and there are effective treatments that can put you on the road to recovery.
Find more articles from Postpartum Progress’ Six Things series on the right-hand sidebar.
About Katherine Stone
Katherine Stone
I’m really glad to be reading this post because recently I have been thinking—I wish Postpartum Depression had a different name. Under the name of “Postpartum Depression” it is deceiving to those who don’t know anything about it. It’s not merely depression—there is so much more to it. Sure, depression is one of the symptoms, but there is laundry list of various symptoms as well!—there’s anger, there’s anxiety, there’s loneliness, there’s lack of enthusiasm, there’s confusion and loss of concentration, there’s insecurity, hopelessness, bitterness, and guilt, and so much more!—and yet we call it all by the name of “Depression”!?! Depression is only one part of it (and for some it’s not even a part of it at all).
It’s very deceiving, because really there’s a spectrum of illnesses or symptoms you can experience, not just postpartum depression. You’re right, some people don’t even have postpartum depression — they may have postpartum anxiety or postpartum PTSD. But for now, the public really is still only aware of that one term: PPD.
At one point, while I was in the throes of PPD, a very good friend of my husband and mine addressed us in a very loving way because he noticed that something was up in our marriage relationship and he was concerned for us. When I tried to explain to him that I had Postpartum Depression, and that what he was seeing was because of it, he was like, “ok, no, I know you have PPD, but that’s not what I’m talking about—I’m talking about these other things that I’m seeing in your marriage relationship.” No matter how much I tried to convince him that what he was seeing (the arguing and such) was a direct result of my PPD, he just could not understand it. He thought Postpartum Depression was simply depression, but had no clue about all the rest that comes with it.
ok..um….I am so confused by the changes on this website!! having trouble figuring out how to leave comments!!!!
Sorry. We’ve been testing out different commenting systems trying to find one that works well!
These are all signs of anxiety and depression that happen to occur post partum. But they are all classic signs of anxiety and depression. Scary stuff indeed.
I didn't know then, but I know now..and can attest that I felt many of these emotions. Just know that if you are suffering, if you are angry to the point that it's not "you", it's time to seek help. I became angry because I had a hard time finding qualified help after admitting I needed help! (which I think admitting was the hardest, but thankfully I did!)
Yes. I love that point. If it doesn't feel like the real "you" – if the behavior just seems so out of character — that can be a big sign.
~ K
Thanks so much for this post, Katherine… I felt all of these things (and still do occasionally) during the worst times of my PND. Before my diagnosis, it was definitely the anger that scared me the most. Never towards my little man, but towards my wonderful fiance. That irrecoverable feeling of things spiraling out of your control, whilst the whole time knowing it's so wrong. We found it so difficult and it was tearing us apart. Paired with this was the insomnia, the worry, the guilt, all leading to a rapid loss in weight… Cue feelings of worthlessness, ugliness, lack of confidence… And yes, you know the story well. Getting help was the best thing I ever did, thank goodness for my wonderful family doctor! And my blog is the other outlet I find a wonderful sense of relief from writing. My own kind of therapy. Thanks so much again… I look forward to hearing more from you soon.
Love this, because this was my issue – I didn't know these things were symptoms. If I had known that about anger and insomnia, I'd have caught it a lot earlier.
So glad this is helpful. I think most of us are in the same boat.
i had the anger. such anger. for 2 years. i was always angry. always yelling at someone or frustrated to the point of crying. i couldn't communicate without losing my temper. i just couldn't control it. i wish i knew then that that was a symptom as well, i may have sought help earlier as well. I didn't fully understand what was going on until i couldn't stop crying. Its been 4 years since i went for help, but i still feel the guilt and shame of it all still like it was yesterday. We have healed alot as a family but there are still somethings we are unable to talk about. I wonder all the time when i will forgive myself for what i put everyone through.
During my PPD days I had so much trouble falling asleep, and it seemed like the baby would always wake me up just as I was FINALLY drifting off. The feeling of frustration and anger (no, rage!) and sadness on top of the exhaustion led me to stop going to bed entirely. I would be up to all hours of the night because I was so afraid of it happening again.
It sounds silly when I try to explain it now, but I just couldn’t emotionally deal with the baby waking me up one more time.
Catherine, I’m trying to post a reponse to your comment, but apparentlly my comment is too long and the “post comment” button disappears.
Hoping this is a glich that will be fixed so I can leave my response to you!!!
Catherine, I can totally relate to your frustration and anger about sleep (or the lack thereof) and the physical and emotional exhaustion that comes along with it. The SAME EXACT THING happened to me too. Just about the time I finally drifted off to sleep, the baby would wake up for his next feeding. He ate every 3 hours around the clock until he was 1 year old, and even then he still continued waking up for at least 1 night-time feeding up until he was 15 ½ months old. My depression/anger/exhaustion was so horrible and I began to HATE going to bed at night. I would cry in sheer hysteria every night at bedtime. During night-time feedings I was so angry at the world, at my own baby, and at my husband for the fact that he lie in bed sound asleep, completely oblivious to the fact that I ever even left his side…and again, I would cry. It was absolutely draining, and I believe that this lack of sleep made EVERYTHING worse, and caused my PPD to become way worse and last way longer than it ever should have. My baby just turned 2 a few weeks ago, and I am SO GLAD to say that the PPD finally left me back in February of this year (after haunting me for a year and a half). It was literally like something was physically removed from my body—I could literally FEEL that it had left me. However, I began suffering with terrible insomnia! (I guess the year and a half of PPD and night-time feedings screwed up my body’s natural sleep system). It comes and goes, and I hate having insomnia, but anything is better than the incredible nightmare of PPD and the physical and emotional exhaustion that comes with it. Best of luck to you and your little one!! <3
I love this, it’s spot on. There is no such thing as an exact portrait of what PPD looks like, it looks like many women whom people would never dream struggle with PPD.
Thanks Esther!
Excellent post!!!! I had all of those during my non-postpartum depression (I am a male in college) along with the more well known symptoms (appetite loss, loss of sex drive ect.) , good to see a post like this.
I experienced ALL of the above… and it seemed like every damn day that I experienced them. It’s not surprising to me that these have been found to be symptoms- they seem like RED FLAGS to me!
I wish physicians would spend more time with new moms and their spouses educating them about postpartum depression. After struggling alone with many of the symptoms you describe, I finally came came out of the depression over a year after my first child was born. But the damage it did to me and my marriage will last forever. After my second child was born, I was much more aware and knew what to look for.
Great article! My PPD really felt like a physical problem. I was very busy and managing to get everything done, so it couldn’t be depression, I thought. I had been depressed as a teenager, but PPD was completely different.
I almost got diagnosed with this but is now looking more likely to be postpartum thyroiditis. Being aware of PND is really important, but I wonder if more women should be having their thyroid levels checked AND a check for thyroid antibodies. Just a thought, as many sympoms are VERY similar.
This is so true! I too had each and everyone of these symptoms when I suffered! As a volunteer to PSI I hear these symptoms a lot with postpartum moms as well with pregnant moms! Thanks Katherine for bringing these symptoms to light!
This is a fantastic site.I believe my step-daughter suffers fromPPD. She had an extremely difficult pregnancy and birth and your mention of PTSD really hits home.I am anxious to have her and. other family members see this information. The first step is knowlege of what you are dealing with. Thank-you.
This website actually just made my day. Im happy to hear that while pod isn’t normal its common. I thought I was going crazy. Definitely talking to my doctor at my next appointment!