The Rage of Postpartum Depression

postpartum depressionLast night I was itching for a fight. My husband wasn’t doing a SINGLE thing the way I wanted him to. In fact, I felt he wasn’t doing what I wanted him to do on purpose. So I got mad. Scary mad. I felt like he never did anything I wanted him to do, and didn’t care.This, despite the fact that he had gone on a father/son outing with our boy (and my dad) during the day to a Braves game, then went to the grocery store and then cooked dinner, which was waiting for me when I got home with our daughter.

So what. He was still a jerk, I thought. And we had one hell of a fight.

This morning I had to make that call. You know the one.

I’m sorry. It was my fault. I was crazy.

And I was. Temporarily. Most of the time I’m pretty even-tempered. I’m a nice person. I know my husband is a good guy even though he annoys me some times, just like I’m sure I annoy him. I’m not a rage-aholic by any stretch of the imagination. I don’t like yelling. At anyone.

It so happens, though,that I have my … guess what?… period. Usually, for about 2 days in the whole period process I get a short-temper. I feel more controlling. Sometimes I lose it, like last night. (Could this have been a predictive sign that I was going to get a postpartum mood disorder? I think so!)

My behavior last nightreminds me of the symptoms of anger and irritability that many moms with postpartum depression and antenatal depression get. Many of you say you have been surprised by the rage you feel with PPD. I have to admit I really wanted to punch my husband right in the face. That’s pretty surprising.

I’m glad I don’t feel like that much anymore, except on the very rare occasion, like last night. It’s scary. I don’t like it one bit. How about you?

Photo: Fotolia – © Jason Stitt

About Katherine Stone

is the founder of Postpartum Progress. She has been named a WebMD Health Hero, one of the fiercest women in America by More magazine, and one of the top 20 Social Media Moms by Working Mother magazine. She is a survivor of postpartum OCD.

Tell Us What You Think


  1. Girrrrrl, I could have written this to the letter (well, except I have all girls) … but yeah. It is scary and I hate it and I do struggle with these feelings of anger & irritability on a monthly basis (some months worse than others) which is why I'm on a low-dose of antidepressants. I wholly believe this is residual from postpartum depression or maybe it's the other way around as you say. In any case, mood disorders: the gift that keeps on giving!
    Thank you for posting this.

  2. One time in the middle of the night while frantically trying to get our son back to sleep and for some reason (?) having a fight about it, I threw a bunch of pillows at him and told him I hated him.
    I should have seen having hateful thoughts about this man, that I adore and would never dream of hurting physically or emotionally, much sooner than I did.

  3. That was one of my biggest symptoms aside from crippling anxiety. At Easter (Good Friday) I put my foot through a wicker chair because my husband wasn't home in time for the fish fry at a local legion. Like my foot went through it. I punched a hole in our pantry. I kicked my bathroom wall. And when the anger was so intense, I resorted to cutting my arms to release the pain. It's awful and I was very frightened that o wouldn't control it. But I guess that's how PPD makes you feel…out of control.

    • I feel out of control and I don’t know what to do. My relationship with my fiancé is failing because of my rage.

      • Heather King says:

        Rose, I hope you have help and support. You can get better with time and help. If you haven’t, please talk to your doctor about options for recovery. Peace to you.

      • Hi rose. How are you and ur fiancé now? What u described back in may is exactly what im going thru right now (7months after my baby girl was born). Im fine with my baby but im constantly arguing with my guy. Im not sure if i have mild ppd as dont seem to have any other symptoms and bit scared of going to my doctor in case there is nothing wrong with me and that im just a ‘bitch’ 🙁 feel so alone. Have no friends that could relate and no family. Feel so ashamed of my feelings


        • You’re not alone. I feel this way too. I think it’s time to call my doctor- he won’t say you’re just being a bitch. You’re obviously going through something.

          • Hello ladies. I’m so glad I stumbled across this website.
            I have a 9month old and have been dealing with the same issues as you.
            Rage with certain people and situations. thank God it’ doesn’t effect my daughter but making me feel overwhelmed in other aspects of life.

  4. Ohhhh I just love that description of feeling like your hubby never does things the way you want him to – even though he just has! It is soooo how I feel premenstrually.
    I know I've had pms days(prior to ppmd)where I could imagine nuking a small nation if I had a button to activate nuclear arms. It's tough. Hope you are feeling more mellow today.
    My hubby says it feels like crap to be on the receiving end of pms, but hey, it's no fun being on our side either.
    Virtual Big Hug to you (it always makes me feel better:)

  5. Oh my gosh, the anger…I think that might have been one of the worst parts of PPD for me. It was insane, all-consuming, white-hot anger that was so frightening to behold. I've thrown a cell phone through a wall. Like, completely through it. I've gotten violent with my husband, which I'm so ashamed to say. When I was pregnant with my first son, my mood swings were so bad that I told my husband that I felt like there was a different person in my body. I literally could not control the words coming out of my mouth, no matter how hard I tried. It was so, so awful.

  6. Katherine-
    It's interesting that you bring this up! When I have my period (or am just about to get it), I feel like my Zolft is not anywhere near me!! It's as if I have never been on a medication at all. Scary!! I wonder if there have been any research studies on this?

  7. Kathy Morelli says:

    This is a great blog, interesting posts. I guess I felt the need to suggest what most people are told, but maybe in everyday life, don't fully put into practice, that medication helps, but does not fully manage symptoms of depression and anxiety. There are many modalities of talk therapy and types of self-help that feed into the the mix to treat symptom management. Two modalities that come to mind are DBT, which is a structured, research-based, skill-based way to manage emotions and also Gottman Couples Therapy, which is a structured, research-based, skill-based method which helps people manage emotions surrounding relationships. Sometimes these skills are useful in managing symptoms in addition to medication.
    Hi @Elizabeth There is a book called Women's Moods, which describes the fluctuations of medication present in a woman's bloodstream and how this is affected by hormonal changes (ie monthly menses). A great read.
    take care, Kathy

  8. I am so relieved to hear others describe their rages. It truly feels like I CANNOT control what comes out of my mouth on these occasions. Glad others understand — it helps me feel a little bit more normal

  9. I think that was my first clue that something was really going on with me. I have an 18 yr history of depression, but I have NEVER had the rage Ive felt with PPD. I get that feeling of fire in my chest and I thing Im literally going to explode.
    Glad to know Im not the only one out there experiencing it!

  10. Kathy-
    Many thanks on the book referral – I've already ordered it and look forward to reading it!!
    Thank you!

  11. I can totally relate, not to you but to your husband. It's just like last week when my wife was so irritable at me. I didn't even do anything. Or maybe, that's why. 'Cause everytime she gets irritated when she has her menstrual period, I just keep quiet. I don't want to add up on the "reasons" of her irritability. She's been taking some natural remedy for anxiety for years now since she gave birth to our first child. The doctor said her depressions are due to loss of libido. I'm glad to find out that I'm not the only one with a wife suffering from PPD. I'm telling you on behalf of your husband, it's driving us nuts too. Have a nice day!

  12. I'm grateful to have found this- I had my baby girl 14 weeks ago, and for about the past 5 weeks the anger and anxiety has been through the roof. I actually TEACH conflict resolution (anger management) and an usually pretty even tempered, but for the past few weeks my anger can come so suddenly and so intensely I shake and rage (through things, scream at the top of my lungs, kick things) until I am physically exhausted. and over silly things- the cats fighting, there being a single dish in the sink, the tv remote batteries dying, you name it. I always keep a tidy house, but that has gotten nuts too- if one thing is out of place my anxiety kicks in and I have to clean everything in sight or it seems like I will lose my mind. I called my NP today and made an appt for next week. I havent cried so much in my life- hopefully its over soon.

  13. Working through it says:

    Anger is sometimes the only thing that kept me going. I got some good advice from someone: anger is just an emotion, what you do with it is what matters. If you have a wonderful husband and a schedule that allows please look into a (albeit weird and diametrically opposed ) balance of yoga and KICKBOXING. There is nothing better than taking out all that pent up aggression/frustration/anxiety/sadness/overwhelming-ness/new mommy freak out whatever on a well worn boxing bag. Plus, that's the bag's job-to let you pound away (and i used to yell at it too)! Not your husband's job, not your kid's and frankly not even your therapist or your best friend– just you and the bag! And there's the added bonus of feeling kinda like a bad ass when you put on your gloves 😉 THe yoga can help with the anxiety and that achy gross feeling you get when you're bummed and gives you a moment to reflect on how awesome you and the people in your life are. I WISH i had found this blog when i was in the throes of PPD–but that is another story. 🙂 .

  14. Working through it says:

    I know its been awhile and i'm sure your are good – but i thought i would send you some good vibes and say it does pass.

    • Worry wart says:

      My son is almost 7 months old, and my anger just seems to be getting worse. I don’t know what to do or how to control it. The only way to really keep calm is tiny holding or nursing my baby. I’m just hoping it passes. I don’t know how much more my husband and I can handle.

      • Heather King says:

        I’m sorry you’ve been going through this, mama. I hope you have asked for some professional help. Just waiting for this to go away is unfair to you and you deserve to be enjoying life more than this. Therapy can really help, and sometimes anger is not the only symptom you are experiencing. Many of us just get used to the other symptoms of PPD or PPA, and don’t recognize what we’re actually dealing with. If we can help in any way, let us know. Often medication is a help to get on the right track, and if you are not interested in that, talk therapy would be a good thing for you, mama. Peace to you.

  15. I feel the exact same way. I’ve thrown dishes, lamps, knocked pictures off the wall, etc. Busted my husbands lip open bc I think he’s hiding photos from me on his phone. Then the ‘real’ me snaps back into reality…& I apologize profusely for what I’ve done, & the damage that has occurred. All of this directed to my spouse, not baby I might add. Every thing he does pisses me off. I go to the doctor Tuesday for the 3rd time to try to get on the right combo of meds for ppd. My behavior was never like this before. I pray they can help, bc I feel like I’m in my own personal hell of that I can’t escape.

  16. Today I threw and broke the vacuum cleaner and rice cooker. My 3 year old was throwing a fit. I talked myself through trying to handle him in a calm good mommy way then I snapped, smacked his butt and sent to his room. I feel horrible. I also feel extreme rage driving. Like I’m looking for a fight. So not me! I am 2 weeks pp and have had PPD after 2 other pregnancies, but never this soon.

    • Gina, I’d definitely reach out to your doctor, especially considering you have a history of PPD, and get started on some form of treatment if you aren’t getting treated already. Rage is such a common and yet awful symptom of PPD. I’m really sorry you’re going through this right now. Please know that I hear from a lot of moms who are dealing with the same thing.

  17. Stacy Quick says:

    The anger/rage has been one of my biggest challenges. I got diagnosed PPD/PPA at 6 mo post partum. It was pretty miserable but things are a little better now that I have some medication & finally night weaned my daughter. I don’t like that mean stuff one bit & am trying to deal with it. It’s been really hard so far.

    Thank you for this website, it helps

  18. I am 5 months post partum, and the one thing I am constantly battling is rage. The second thing is guilt. I am a yeller and it feels like an out of body experience. I slam doors, throw things, and leave the house angry. My husband has been so supportive of me and loving. However, he is the source of my anger – there are days he can’t even shit straight in my mind. I can see it is wearing on him and my apologies are beginning to lose their meaning. This is our first child, that we have prayed for a long time with a tough journey to parenthood. We both work, and have no direct support with immediate family due to distance, and in the past 5 months my husband has been dealing with chronic pain in his back and foot resulting in surgeries – all of this on top of being a new mom is making me feeling crazy. Is this post partum depression or just a result of my crazy life??

    • Beth, I would definitely talk to your doctor about this. The kind of anger you are talking about can definitely be a symptom of postpartum depression. If you do in fact have PPD, there are treatments that will help you get better. If it isn’t PPD and is caused by stress, therapy can be a big help in giving you better tools to handle that stress. So no matter what, you can get help that can make this easier on you.

      • Beth Bauer says:

        Thank You Katherine… After reading the various stories on your blog, I decided to consult with my OB who from the beginning had given me guidance on what to look for and provided an open door policy to consult. She has since diagnosed me with post partum mood disorder. After much thought I realized these feelings have surfaced before while pregnant and before menstrual cycles – except more intense now. I am now starting antidepressant and joining a support group for PPD in my area. Thank you again for supporting and educating women all over about the various shades of PPD.

  19. So thankfyl to find this site. I am 5 mnths pp..really struggling the past month..lack of sleep so hard for mr..feel like I am bad mom..feel angry at my partner..he doesnt get how I feel…going to psych in a few days..i am now open to medication…wish I could find a support group in my area.

  20. I gave birth to my son almost two years ago. I began having irrational fears/worries and irritability while I was pregnant with him, and had a life-threatening bout of post-partum-something (depression? psychosis? PTSD? adjustment disorder? It depends on who you ask,) that began about a month or so after he was born and sort of never ended. I have shown improvement, and have been able to function in my job and other daily activities. But my marriage has fallen apart, and the rage is the primary reason.
    I decided to have a second child, and the reasoning is as follows: last summer I was 38, and after seeing my son playing with other children I realized that my limiting myself and my family to one child, I was depriving my son of the joy of having a sibling, a buddy, and it wasn’t fair to him that MY illness would take that away from him. (I felt, he already lost so much to this illness, and he never asked for any of this.) Also, if this was to be temporary (which I am encouraged to believe it WILL be,) and if my reproductive time is limited, then why not get pregnant with a second, even if I wasn’t fully “out of the woods” from the first one? Furthermore, why would I do (what had already become) the extremely hard work of recovery and struggle to get back to myself, only to get pregnant again and (most likely) lose my marbles all over again??!!
    Having had a history of depression and a mother who had PPD, I did my homework, and thought I was prepared for the PPD I would likely face. I had no way of knowing how ugly the RAGE and ANGER could be, and how PERVASIVE they would become. My husband reacted very badly to the whole thing: he was slightly better able to deal with the depression, because it’s what’s expected, and he had been down that dark tunnel before with me. But he was totally unprepared for the rage and anger, and his inability to handle it gracefully or with compassion ultimately led to him saying and doing things that, long after, would continue to fuel a deep resentment of him, which would explode at times into these horrific rages whenever these bouts would come.
    Like so many of the women above, I have broken things, thrown things, hit my husband (the shame of which I may never get over) and yelled after him as he leaves the house to escape, acting like a Jerry Springer, white-trash nightmare. Twice I have spanked my toddler, something that I told myself I wouldn’t do, having been raised in abuse myself.
    I am terrified about how I will handle the next birth/post-partum period. I am receiving DBT and it has been the most helpful of all the things I have tried in the past two years (actually in the past MANY years), but I fear that it is not enough. I have a history of poor response to many different medications over many years, and have looked into TMS treatments, but it is SO expensive and there is so little information out there (other than stuff that looks like advertisement, all seemingly put out by the companies that market the technology or doctors that provide/profit from the treatments.)
    I do not want my children living in a home where they are exposed to scary explosions, screaming, fighting, etc., even if it IS only temporary. It is SO hard for my husband to respond effectively because much of the time he is caught off guard and has no idea what to do! And when it is happening, it feels as if it is justified, appropriate, and doesn’t ever feel as disproportionate and out of context as it really is. It’s not until the “clean-up” phase that you mention above that I can be fully aware of how awful my behavior was.
    Is there any information you can give me about TMS and its efficacy with PPD/post-partum emotional dysregulation? I do not want to take a chance with meds again, and plan to nurse as I did with my son.

  21. stephanie says:

    Omg I have been experiencing the exact same anger. I pick fights over nothing and turn them into huge blow outs. I have always had a tumultuous relationship with anger but have always controlled it to some degree. Well my daughter is now 10 months old and the lunatic antics are still raging I hope this doesn’t last much longer.

  22. I am almost 13 weeks PP and I feel crazy. I had a great first two weeks then my daughter wasn’t gaining weight so we had to supplement with formula. Then my milk dried up and its been down hill ever since. She was diagnosed with GERD and colic and cries constantly. She’s inconsolable and we’re trying everything. Its affected me in such a negative way. With my first born I got PPD my 3rd day PP and it lasted a year. This time its definitely not the same. The first 3 weeks of my PPMD I was psychotic, I felt like everything was my fault, I couldn’t even feed her a bottle because the guilt I felt not being able to breast feed would fill me with so much anxiety and pain I thought I was going to explode. It was the worst feeling when she cried, its like I knew she was crying because of me.. When she would cry I’d sit in my bed and hysterically cry too. I’d stay up all night thinking how EVERYONE would be so much better off if I were dead. I would have episodes and my husband would have to restrain me. Its not that out of control anymore. I still have extreme irritability and not often but sometimes experience extreme rage. I’ve started cleaning and doing my make up everyday to help kind of get me out of this mess and help me feel better. This is totally 100% out of character for me, I can’t stop cleaning.. It’s like I’m addicted to it, I need it.Once I start which is right after I feed my kids breakfast and get them situated its like nothing can stop me because I wont let it. My son always wants to play with me but I’m too busy… cleaning.. If I have a day where my husband has off and we just relax it will be such a horrible day full of rage, hate and anger all because I didn’t clean. In order for me to be okay I need to be cleaning. Then when I do my make up I’ve become such a perfectionist I cant stop putting it on and I do it so much I mess my own face up and have to wash it and start over, its insane!!!! This is random- I had a huge spider in my house directly over my daughters bassinet( I’m terrified of spiders) so I killed it. My son who’s 4 is now infatuated with spiders now and has been watching these videos to learn about them. He asked me to watch one with him so I did. OMG now I feel like they’re crawling all over me. I’m always looking for them. Just waiting. I’ll be quietly standing outside then I start screaming and tear my shirt off because I think there’s a spider on me but nope I’m just losing my mind. I’m scared to go outside alone at night because of spiders.. Someone please help me and tell me what’s wrong with me!!! I’m so angry and irritable and I cant stop cleaning or doing my make up and I think spiders will be the death of me. Some days I don’t experience rage but I’m always cleaning… Help! Please!

  23. mammabear 71. says:

    Same here. Its not that I think I don’t have the right to be angry…good lord, if my husband strolled through the door one hour late for an annual dinner saying he forgot I would be furious! But I probably would have left without him after 15 minutes anyways… but it is my inability to control my temper that scares me. I scream at my child at times and now I know I need help. I am not going to stop being angry at my husband who thinks its ok for me to live out of a suitcase and follow him up and down the highways of France to keep his split lifestyle…but I hope with proper drugs to level out my hormones I can deal with my anger appropriately and not upset my child. ps – yes I wanted to push him down the stairs last night for leaving the house AGAIN at bath and bedtime – yes, I tried to run over a woman on the sidewalk who smacked our car with her ski poles because I couldnt stop mid ice skid for her princess butt to cross the road – yes I want to knife my MiL who does not listen to me when I tell her about how to deal with my screamng 2 year old. All these things hack me off anyways – but hopefully if things get better I can deal with them in a more grown up fashion!

  24. I’m almost 2 years postpartum and have begun having these rages in the last year. The more I think about it, the more I recognize I probably had more of the depressed symptoms in earlier postpartum. But over the last 6 months I’ve really noticed the rage feelings increasing and over the last month or two I’ve begun having a real lack of interest in everything, fatigue, etc. I saw my OB recently and had my thyroid checked because of family history and other symptoms I’ve been having, but everything came back normal. I wonder if this may be my problem instead.

  25. I’m going through this tonight. I will be sleeping on the living room floor because I don’t want to share a bed with him and I’m livid. I am pretty sure I’m experiencing postpartum and he is not being supportive or understanding at all. I don’t know what to do or where to go from here. I’m losing my mind, and I just want to run away from everything in my life. I hate who I am, and I hate here I am. I love my child, but I feel detatched and scared that I’m not being a good mother or partner at this point in my life. I’m far from family and friends since I just moved to a new place and I can’t seem to wrap my head around how I could be experiencing this when my little one is 15 months old. I thought I missed the PPD hump.

  26. I’m not alone. Thank god….

  27. bernadette says:

    I’m in the same boat at the moment the only problem with me I I’m a single mum and all I seem to be doing lately is screaming and shouting…. I’m so ashamed to say this but I yelled at my two year old little angel for not sleeping he was so scared that when he did sleep all I could do fir the rest of the night was cry.. I honestly feel crazy and tbh a bad mum for losing it like this all the time

  28. Not sure how common this is but as a proud grandfather of a beautiful 7 month old boy to my normally lovely 22yo daughter life was how is imagined it would be, until a scheduled drop in visit with my daughter turned incredibly nasty in a millisecond, in mid discussion on a subject we have pretty much agreed on my daughter burst into tears & started claiming I don’t believe in her, I was taken aback and asked how she could claim such a thing then suddenly BOOM her eyes glazed over & I was a “poisonous emotional vampire” & she “hated me” then kicked me out. Days later & numerous more expletives I’m lost & worried for her. Her partner says this isn’t PPD as they are happy & content & that I’m the one with issues, yet I’ve fielded multiple calls from her during these 7 months prior to the outburst all relating to her anxiety, fear & concerns about parenting & her insecurities to the same ( not sure how widely this is known as I’ve kept this in confidence). She has also verballed my fiancée ( who she introduced to me) & claimed we will never see her or him again. What can I do to help her? Or is this a waiting game? Any help or advice will be appreciated

    • Dave – It’s a bit of waiting game on your part. You’ve tried to address it with little success, but eventually either your daughter or her partner will see the destructive behavior for what it is. Patience and as much understanding you can muster is what will be helpful now.

  29. It’s completely unbearable thing I know coz m going through it rite now, I haven’t met my family since m married , After marriage situation was like that was not able to enjoy eachother alone someone always around us, then we mIced from California to Texas and had some fun time together and not planned pregnancy came within 4th month of marriage , I was not ready as m still studying with this whole new environment whole new duties of household and marriege. Baby came last January with her gave exam in August and failed it with 2 marks again reading for exam feeling frustrated and that frustagion come out as anger all the time. Part of me will react rude and the other second I will thing this is not good, I yell at baby and husband and my husband will politely tell me don’t yell just tell, when m angry I throw things( not valuable ) he will tell me control your anger infront of baby or she will learn that, once I told my mom and husband to meet the phycytrist and they were furious at me coz they think only mentaly ill people goes to him, if I open my heart infront of my husband that something’s in our life I regret or something like that he will tell me lets get divorce then you will be free and he will take care of baby. I am not blaming him for this , he is very nice guy but to whom I should tell I dnt know , thank you for your blog so at least I can express my feeling.

  30. I shared here about this in May, and my second son is now 9 months old. Things have not changed much unfortunately. At one point I had a LOT of success with accupuncture, but the dysfunctional behavior that had been going on for 2+yrs already was ingrained enough and my husband, who is the major trigger for my rage, hadnt changed at all. So it was short lived success. I nursed for 6months only and now am back on mood stabilizing meds, which breaks my heart. I also have Xanax which helps A LOT. If i could have a low dose of that in my system all day i don’t think I’d react explosively to anything more or less. But i can only manage to get a scrip for 2 doses per day because they say it’s too addictive. Honestly, I’d rather be addicted to xanax and have a peaceful home and be a stable mommy than to be having rage explosions all the time, in front of a sensitive and bright almost-3-year-old.

    The one thing that HAS come of this is that it’s pretty much clear that i have PTSD and that the babies/motherhood has brought up the issues of a life filled with abuse (sexual abuse by male cousin, and verbal/emotional and physical by my mother, emotional neglect by both parents). A number of professionals I’ve seen have all said that this is very common. So I’m approaching this with behavioral therapy and soon will be receiving EMDR as well to deal with the symptoms: the extreme reactivity, the anger, the defensiveness and the pushing away, the perception of threats where none exist, the hair trigger, the irrational negative thoughts…

    You just have to find a way to keep clawing your way out of the hole. If you weren’t always like this, then it makes perfect sense to believe that you wont always be like this. If you were not always like this it makes more sense to believe that you will not than it does to believe you will. That’s undeniable, even when I’m feeling like everyone who knows me would be better off without me alive (including my kids). Cling to the idea of who you used to be. It’s hope.

  31. i had something like this happen. i was 18 weeks pregnant when my baby decided it was time to come into this world. needless to say, she died. my husband was not there emotionally or any kind of way. he was so verbally mean to me. well i ended up deciding to have a drink one night, about 4 or 5 days after Ashley died. the medicine i was on, plus the small about of beer, sent me into a blackout rage and i ended up cutting him. now i am seeking help. my other four kids are probably going to be taken tuesday, i already have an open case, yet we had custody back. i am so scared. is there any help anyone can give me? how can i help dhs and the courts understand that even though i drank a little, the post partum can cause serious damage if not treated. thank you

    • Jazmyn, I’m so sorry. A therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist might be able to testify on your behalf. You’d have to establish a relationship with that person and see if they could help you. Best wishes.

  32. I am a husband who is on the receiving end of this rage… my wife and I will be married for two years in November and our son is now 5 and a half months. It so hard to hurtful to be on the receiving end… I feel useless and like I can never do anything right. On Saturday my wife even flew off the handle at our son because he had a bum rash and she couldn’t get the nappy on cause he was crying and moving too much. I told her to move out the way I’ll do it cause she looked violent even and it scared me… she told me to go away and swore at me… in the last 2 – 4 months my wife has sworn more than the 5-6 years I’ve known her… It breaks my heart and scares me…how do I approach her, how do I tell her how I’m feeling. I tried to on the day this happened and it just made her angry all over again… I grew up in an abusive household… physically, emotionally and verbally abusive and I swore I would never be that way with my wife and children… I never wanted them to ever feel the way I did… so I’ve gone out of my way to try make her happy… she had a traumatic four day long birth and our son had complications which led him to be an emergency c-section and he spent his whole hospital stay in Hi-care my wife only saw him a day and a half after the birth it was very traumatic and she battled in the beginning and I thought she might have PPD but she got better and only in the last 3 months has it gotten like this… for the most part I do the night feeds as she couldn’t breast feed… I let her sleep cause there is a part of me that says maybe she needs to rest… I try to take as much stress of her my it doesn’t seem to wok and I am at my wits end… PLEase what can I do……….

    • Peter, I’m so sorry your family is going through this. It’s very difficult when a mother is not able to see that she needs help for symptoms of postpartum depression and/or anxiety. I would encourage you to try and talk with her when she is calm and away from your child. Could you arrange for a day away for the two of you? Gently tell her you are worried about her and ask her if she will sit down with you and look at some common symptoms of postpartum anxiety and depression. Remind her how common it is and that help is available. If she agrees, you can set-up an appointment with her regular doctor or a therapist or specialist to discuss what is going on. Here is a list of symptoms you could share with her: Keep fighting for your family. Things will get better with the right help.

  33. My anger was directed abstractly toward anyone outside our family who dared disturb our bubble. Think territorial but to extremes. Anyone who wanted to hold my son became a weird sicko person with “baby rabies” in my mind who didn’t care about my son’s well being and selfishly wanted to keep him away from me. I was ANGRY that life was moving on – that my son was getting older, that we had to run errands, that we had to remember our bills and schedule appointments. The fact that this anger wasn’t directed at my husband or son made it really hard for me to identify as irrational for a very long time. My son is almost 2 and I’ve gone back to therapy after several years of being “fine” (but probably not fine) and am learning all the ways anxiety has been affecting my life. It’s eye opening. Thank you for this website. I’m expecting my 2nd now and hope I can be more aware of the signs of PPD/PPA and talk to my midwife about them.

  34. I just found this article..researching what the heck is going with me. I’m 4weeks after baby was born and I am a single mom to my new baby and my other 2 who are 4 and 2 go to their daddy every other week. But I feel this rage I can’t explain. I felt it while pregnant and I didn’t know I was pregnant so I didn’t think any thing of it…other then..well. I must need anger management. But now I think there’s something wrong with me. I feel like a horrible mom because I have yelled at my babies badly. My 2 year old cried and said she wants her daddy. And that’s when I broke down and bawled my eyes out. I have never yelled at my kids. I have even named called them and then felt horrible. It’s like word vomit..I can’t control it. I’m not this person I have been acting like. 🙁 now I know this mama…needs help. So thank you for writing this.

  35. My wife has stated she doesn’t love me anymore or says she feels different about me. She blames our relationship which is pretty good. She focuses on small fights and things that were said, even years ago. We were madly in love and got married then we got pregnant. We have been together 8 years, married almost 2 years. Around the 10 month postpartum my wife started saying these things but then came clean and said she was having sadness and anxiety issues 3 months postpartum. These feelings built until I ended up seeing them and being told face to face that she o longer loved me. She was in denial and refused to go to the doctor until I just about forced her. She was recommended to a psychiatrist. She is secretive and don’t tell me anything about her diagnoses so I’m in the dark. I’m just hoping she gets better. If not, I need to start making an exit strategy. If she does get better I’m not sure I want anymore kids. This has scared me to death.

    • Please, I beg of you, for the sake of your wife and your marriage do not “exit” this situation. Like all struggles we must go through them to learn and grow, not run away. Try to remember why you got married and what you love about her and tell her those things. If there is anytime she needs you its now. Turn to God too, He can do great things and save your marriage if you let Him. I am trying to do that now as I am severely dealing with PPD & PPA. I know that if my husband left I don’t know that I would be able to pick myself back up in my condition, except with the help of the Lord. Please think of your child too and the stress of dealing with separated parents. I know you think you need to do what’s best for you too, but marriage is a journey and includes a great deal of sacrifice. Please don’t give up.

  36. Hi! I had these feelings, have been having these feelings for what seems like forever now. I have two boys, 3 1/2 and 2 and I feel like everything frustrates/irritates me. I wrote that I had feelings of fighting my husband on another forum after my first son was born and was told there was something wrong with me and that I was crazy. It scared me and I didn’t want to tell anyone anymore. I’m glad I found this chat. The rage is ruining me. I feel like an ugly person inside and out. I am getting to the point where I don’t want to be with my husband, and I’m not sure if it’s because I don’t love him, or because I don’t like who I’ve become. Should PPD anger last so long? Or could this be something else?

    • Heather King says:

      I’m so sorry you had that experience in another forum. So not okay. It is not true that you were ever crazy, nor are you now. You have been struggling. Most likely you have been dealing with untreated PPD, which does last if left untreated. I would highly recommend reaching out for professional help and talking with a doctor or therapist about all of your symptoms. You maybe have gotten used to a level of depression and/or anxiety that is the root cause of the frustration/impatience/anger. We understand, and you are SO not alone. Peace to you!

  37. Thank you so much for posting about anger. I’m 13 weeks PP and couldn’t figure out why I keep getting mad. I have offended my precious mother in law who is helping with our babies. I kept thinking it was her or my husband but the longer it went on, the more I realized it was me. I feel guilty for getting mad, like I should be enjoying motherhood more. My husband keeps telling me I should be happy bc our kids are healthy and beautiful, but it’s like I can’t help how angry I get. When the anger comes, it’s like it takes everything in me to control myself, and even then I still offend someone. I thought it was sleep deprivation or something is wrong with my child. I have no patience. Is there any hope to the end of this?


  1. […] 1) Anger – In all the years that I’ve spoken to mothers about postpartum depression, they are always most surprised by rage and irritability as symptoms of postpartum depression, yet so many of you experience this. It may be that everything makes you angry. Or your baby, or partner, or older children are irritating you at a level that you have never felt before. You might want to throw things, or yell at everyone. Some of you tell me you know that you shouldn’t be so mad all the time, but you can’t help it, and you’re worried about how rough you are being with the people you love. For more on this, you might like The Rage of Postpartum Depression. […]

  2. […] You feel irritated or angry. You have no patience. Everything annoys you.  You feel resentment toward your baby, or your partner, or your friends who don’t have babies. You feel out-of-control rage. […]

  3. […] You feel irritated or angry. You have no patience. Everything annoys you.  You feel resentment toward your baby, or your partner, or your friends who don’t have babies. You feel out-of-control rage. […]

  4. […] to Add: Why I am not surprised that my favorite website Postpartum Progress has a post about The Rage of Postpartum Depression. It is crazy similar to what I say […]

  5. […] You feel irritated or angry. You have no patience. Everything annoys you. You feel resentment toward your baby, or your partner, or your friends who don’t have babies. You feel out-of-control rage. […]

  6. […] 1) Anger: In all the years that I’ve spoken to mothers about postpartum depression, they are always most surprised by rage and irritability as symptoms of postpartum depression. Yet, so many of you experience this. It may be that everything makes you angry. Or your baby, or partner, or older children are irritating you at a level that you have never felt before. You might want to throw things, or yell at everyone. Some of you tell me you know that you shouldn’t be so mad all the time, but you can’t help it, and you’re worried about how rough you are being with the people you love. For more on this, you might like The Rage of Postpartum Depression. […]

  7. […] You feel irritated or angry. You have no patience. Everything annoys you. You feel resentment toward your baby, or your partner, or your friends who don’t have babies. You feel out-of-control rage. […]

  8. […] You feel irritated or angry. You have no patience. Everything annoys you. You feel resentment toward your baby, or your partner, or your friends who don’t have babies. You feel out-of-control rage. […]