Last night I was itching for a fight. My husband wasn’t doing a SINGLE thing the way I wanted him to. In fact, I felt he wasn’t doing what I wanted him to do on purpose. So I got mad. Scary mad. I felt like he never did anything I wanted him to do, and didn’t care.This, despite the fact that he had gone on a father/son outing with our boy (and my dad) during the day to a Braves game, then went to the grocery store and then cooked dinner, which was waiting for me when I got home with our daughter.
So what. He was still a jerk, I thought. And we had one hell of a fight.
This morning I had to make that call. You know the one.
I’m sorry. It was my fault. I was crazy.
And I was. Temporarily. Most of the time I’m pretty even-tempered. I’m a nice person. I know my husband is a good guy even though he annoys me some times, just like I’m sure I annoy him. I’m not a rage-aholic by any stretch of the imagination. I don’t like yelling. At anyone.
It so happens, though,that I have my … guess what?… period. Usually, for about 2 days in the whole period process I get a short-temper. I feel more controlling. Sometimes I lose it, like last night. (Could this have been a predictive sign that I was going to get a postpartum mood disorder? I think so!)
My behavior last nightreminds me of the symptoms of anger and irritability that many moms with postpartum depression and antenatal depression get. Many of you say you have been surprised by the rage you feel with PPD. I have to admit I really wanted to punch my husband right in the face. That’s pretty surprising.
I’m glad I don’t feel like that much anymore, except on the very rare occasion, like last night. It’s scary. I don’t like it one bit. How about you?
Photo: Fotolia - © Jason Stitt