Grace Parson: On The Transformation From PPD to Joy

Dear New Moms,

Welcome to the most paradoxical experience of your life.

Exhilarating … Exhausting.

Mundane … Surprising.

Rewarding … Excruciating.

Fun … Boring.

Wonderful … Difficult.

Motherhood is all these things and so much more.

The month of May is a very special one for me as a mother, and not just because Mother’s Day is in May.

May is also the month I began treatment for my postpartum depression in 2009 (nine months postpartum) and May is also the month I began my blog as a source of healing, advocacy, & community in 2010. I believe May 2011 is another milestone for me as I’ve hit a stride, discovered pure joy in mothering, and am pregnant with a second child.

Exactly two years ago I was overcome with despair. I had been battling severe anxiety, depression and insomnia for five months. I still didn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I hadn’t felt like myself since my son was born nine months prior. I genuinely wondered if this little person would gradually ruin my life.

“On the night you were born,

the moon smiled with such wonder

that the stars peeked in to see you

and the night wind whispered,

“Life will never be the same.”


New Moms, life will never be the same.

That truth shocked and startled me to my very core when my son was born. Nothing prepared me for how motherhood would affect my emotions, my desires, my mental state, my ability to function.

I crumbled underneath the weight of it all.

“Not once had there been such eyes,

such a nose,

such silly, wiggly, wonderful toes.

When the polar bears heard

they danced until dawn.

From faraway places,

the geese flew home.

The moon stayed up until

morning next day.

And none of the ladybugs flew away.”


New moms,I am living proof that while your life will indeed never be the same, your suffering is temporary.

Your despair will evaporate into hope.

Your anger will dissipate into joy.

Your fear will transform into strength.

“So whenever you doubt just how special you are

and you wonder who loves you, how much and how far,

listen for geese honking high in the sky.

(They’re singing a song to remember you by.)

Or notice the bears asleep at the zoo.

(It’s because they’ve been dancing all night for you!)

Or drift off to sleep to the sound of the wind.

(Listen closely…it’s whispering your name again!)

If the moon stays up until morning one day

or a ladybug lands and decides to stay,

or a little bird sits at your window awhile,

it’s because they’re all hoping to see you smile…”

Today I am a proud, happy, content mother of a two-and-a-half year old, the greatest joy and challenge in my life. Each night as we put him to bed, we read On the Night You Were Born by Nancy Tillman. Each night my heart swells.

New Moms, your tears will go dry.

Your tension will ease.

Your burden will lift.

You will enjoy this new identity.

You will.

You will think back on the night your baby was born (someday soon) and in the place of pain & regret will be peace & joy

And, mysteriously, it will become increasingly difficultto even remember life before that night.

“For never before in story or rhyme

(not even once upon a time)

has the world ever known a you, my friend,

and it never will, not ever again…

Heaven blew every trumpet

and played every horn

on the wonderful, marvelous

night you were born.”

New Moms, you were born to do this job.

You were created to be your child’s mommy.

You will rock it.

You will.

One day at a time.

Grace Parson blogs at Arms Wide Open. She lives in Mexico with her husband and son. Follow her on Twitter at @ourarmswideopen.

Donations to Postpartum Progress can be made here: http://postpartumprogress.org/donate-postpartum-depression-2/

About Katherine Stone

is the creator of this blog, and the founder and executive director of Postpartum Progress. She has been named a WebMD Health Hero, one of the fiercest women in America by More magazine, and one of the 15 most influential patient advocates to follow. She is a survivor of postpartum OCD.

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Comments

  1. Breathtaking post, Grace, full of honesty and hope.
    So lovely.

  2. Beautiful post. Thanks for sharing your journey to help other women along theirs. Happy Mother's Day to you!

  3. they truly are the greatest joy and challenge of life. Such a beautiful post. Thank you. And congrats on your pregnancy!

  4. I love this. And you're so right. All of those negative emotions we feel gradually become positive. The change is so sneaky, we don't even see it happening.
    You rock, Grace!

  5. Branson says:

    So wonderful, Grace. I love it. Stirred up so many emotions, but most of all hope. šŸ™‚

  6. MamaRobinJ says:

    I love the joy with which you express your experience and where you are now.

  7. Katherine Stone/Post says:

    What a sweet story Grace. So lovely, like you. Thank you so much for being here today. I'm so happy to see you doing so well!
    – K

  8. Love this!! Thanks for sharing.

  9. Thank you for filling me up with hope.

  10. Grace you always have the ability to put things with such beauty and, well, grace!
    This post is peaceful and full of hope! Thank you! And I am so happy for you right now at how far you…WE'VE…come!