Nobody talks about the isolation that creeps up in early mama-hood. Before our babies are born, so many of us often imagine lines of people wanting to come and visit our new little bundles. And we also imagine wanting them to be there. We might assume that we will “live life as normal” and simply cart our little ones with us wherever we might want to go. And we also imagine that we will want to go places. There may be a few daydreams about getting together with our other friends who have little ones, just to gab about how wonderful motherhood is. And we also imagine that motherhood will be wonderful all of the time.

Once those babies are born, many moms — especially those who are suffering from a postpartum mood disorder like postpartum depression — find that they don’t want to engage in any of these previously mentioned activities, or they find they don’t have the energy to tackle the mountain of logistics that is needed just to get out the door. And if moms finally do manage to get to a place where they are in the company of others, many fear most of all that the people around them will see that they aren’t living all of their earlier fantasies and that in reality, well, they just aren’t happy.

Many moms spend countless hours alone with their babies, wondering if they are doing anything right. Worrying about milk quantities, sleep position, reflux and fussiness. They suffer alone in their world of frightening anxieties and uncertainties. Many of these moms get so used to their anxiety and their isolation that they begin to wonder if it is just part of what it means to be a new mom. And when someone mentions a New Moms Group? Well, for most of these moms it's the last thing that they want to do. For moms who are suffering with postpartum depression, being around other moms who are assumed to be having an easy time or who feel the need to talk at length about how incredible motherhood is feels like being sent straight to the boiler room.

But here is the thing: we actually know that groups, be they support groups, community groups, therapy groups, or mom and baby groups, are a really important part of the recovery process for many women who are suffering. When facilitated appropriately, getting together with other women who are feeling as isolated, anxious, overwhelmed, conflicted, powerless, lost, and exhausted as you can provide unmatched validation, support, education and encouragement. Groups of women offer the chance to truly express voice, to practice being real and to share strategies, successes and disappointments with others who get what you are going through. And perhaps often most healing is that chance to be in a group with those who, on the outside, you might assume have it all together but who, in reality, are sitting right there next to you with the same worries.

There may be potential benefit for your baby too. A study conducted at the Shanghai International Peace Maternity and Child Health Hospital (now, how’s that for a name!) has determined that maternal group psychotherapy not only reduces the risk of postpartum depression but also has an impact on the temperament of her baby. Moms who attended a 6-week psychotherapy group focusing on prenatal and postpartum depression and anxiety and the risk factors for prenatal and postpartum depression and anxiety reported a higher level of easy infant temperament than mothers in a control group. So, the group resulted in not just happier moms, but also happier babies (or at least the moms felt that way)!

So, I encourage you.. . give it a go. Postpartum Support International has coordinators in every state- many of whom have set up support groups for moms like you or know where the local ones are. (You can also check the list of postpartum depression support groups maintained by Postpartum Progress here.) And if you can’t find one? There is always the option of finding a trained professional to help you start one yourself. Those of you who have begun to tell your story have probably noticed that once you open your mouth, others chime in and share their stories too. Strength in numbers, my friends. You are all part of one great army of Warrior Moms.

Kate Kripke, LCSW