Our community feels a little lost, a little angry, a little unsettled right now in light of the loss of a mama to postpartum depression. We’ve been talking about it and how the loss to suicide of Sasha Hettich has affected us on our Facebook page, so I thought perhaps we didn’t need a post here on the blog.
But as I’ve watched things unfold, online and off, in the wake of this loss, I’ve seen some beautiful things happen. If you’re not looking at the whole picture, it’s easy to miss the beauty in the ashes, so I thought I’d share how I’m finding the good after this loss to suicide by postpartum depression.
Finding the Good
1. Sasha Hettich’s husband speaks beautifully and breaks stigma.
If you haven’t yet watched the video of Cody Hettich, Sasha’s husband, speaking out about the need to break the stigmas of mental illness, you need to do so now.
Less than a week after the loss of his wife, he chose to speak out, to share the truth about what mothers and families need as a mom battles postpartum depression. What they don’t need, of course, is the stigma of people saying depressed women don’t need to have children. What they do need is support, love, compassion, caring. And yes, sometimes it’s not enough; a woman gets lost in the darkness and can’t find the light. But Cody’s choice to share their story, their truth, only means that more women will know about available support, will know that they can and should ask for help. It means more dads might better recognize the signs and symptoms in their own partners before it’s too late.
2. The Warrior Mom community is pulling together.
In the wake of this loss, we’ve seen thousands of women pull together. A milk drive was created in order to provide breast milk for Baby Gus who is five months old. A GoFundMe was started to provide for the family and currently (as of writing) sits at over $12,000. Women who never met Sasha but know the horrors of living with perinatal mood and anxiety disorders banded together to do what they could, to support how they could.
I’ve also watched our Warrior Moms combat stigma on Facebook when judgmental people leave unnecessary comments full of misguided information and uninformed opinion. They’ve shared how stigma hurts moms, how it’s not always easy to seek care due to fear of treatment or lack of resources in their area. They’ve fought the fight against misinformation and a lack of compassion. They’ve done so well; I feel so proud of each and every one of them.
Additionally, I’ve watched as Warrior Moms surrounded other Warrior Moms who felt deeply triggered, hurt, scared, and confused by this loss in our community. They’ve encouraged each other to practice self-care. I watched as one mom invited another to a postpartum depression support group, and was moved to tears by the compassion I saw as they reached for each other. I’ve seen mamas lift each other up, share their stories, and love on one another in ways that these mothers truly needed to get through this time. It’s felt encouraging to witness.
3. The more we talk about suicide, the more we support each other.
Even in mental health safe spaces like Postpartum Progress, we tend to shy away from talking about suicide too much. It feels too big to tackle sometimes. No one really wants to go there out of fear or triggering another mama. Sometimes moms fear that by discussing suicide, even with their therapists, they’ll be classified as suicidal and thus risk losing their kids.
But being honest about suicidal thinking—what it looks like, when it happens, what to do about it—is important. It’s important because you don’t have to live with those thoughts. You deserve freedom from those thoughts, and the first step in getting free from them is admitting that they exist. It’s scary to admit to your therapist you have those thoughts when they ask, but it will help you.
We recognize none of the good we seek after this loss will bring Sasha back. We would give up all this good to have her back. It feels like a personal blow to each of us, and we realize how much more devastating her loss must feel for those who knew and loved her personally. To them we extend our love, our sympathy, our condolences, our thoughts and prayers. Please know that during this dark time, we are here for you as well.
If this suicide has left you feeling vulnerable we encourage you to reach out to your support system, be it your partner, best friend, family member, or therapist. You can also read our post, Facing the Loss of a Loved One to Suicide. If you feel like you want to talk to one of us, feel free to contact us via our Facebook page. We also strongly encourage you to check out our private forum at Smart Patients where you can talk to other moms in a protected venue about your fears and feelings.
Lastly, if you are having suicidal thoughts or considering suicide, please go to your local emergency room or call the National Suicide Prevention Line at 1-800-273-8255. But know this: You are not alone.