It’s been an amazing week of input from the dads. I hope in the future we can continue to share stories from fathers so that dads seeking information and understanding can see they’re not alone. Today, we wrap up with a few brief comments from dad Paul Malinauskas, who has been in the throes of PPD with his wife:
Trying to describe the combination of sadness and bewilderment that I feel is difficult. I know, in my head and in my heart, that my wife is suffering for reasons beyond her control. I know that she is frustrated beyond words that she sometimes doesn’t feel like she’s really our son’s mother, or that it’s never going to get better. I have heard her say that she was disappointed by the whole birth experience, that it didn’t go the way she wanted. I know all of this hurts her, and I’m so sorry because I can’t make any of it better. But in my selfish moments (which I seem to have too often) I don’t understand why she can’t just forget the way the birth went. Why can’t she move on? The baby, and I, need her here, and now.
When I find myself thinking like that, the hardest thing is to put the brakes on it and remember that none of this is voluntary. She really does love our little boy. She is still who she always was, and I believe there is hope for tomorrow to be better than today.
Paul, thank you so much for your honesty. I’m sure that many fathers whose wives and partners are going through postpartum depression or related illnesses have similar thoughts. I know my husband did.
I hope you have all enjoyed our series!