Dear New Mom,

If you’re reading this post with a heart at peace, congratulations. Motherhood marks the beginning of a sacred life journey. But if you’re reading this post and your head won’t dare allow your heart to feel anything beyond anxiety and profound sadness, please know that you’re not alone.

For me, motherhood felt like the beginning of the end and yet all I ever wanted to be was a mother. I didn’t just want to be any mother, I wanted to be the best mother. I tried, and tried, and worried, and worried some more. What if something happened to my baby? What if I’m not a good enough mother? Why doesn’t motherhood feel natural? Why am I doing everything wrong? I spent every last ounce of energy desperately trying to decode the unimaginable mysteries of motherhood. What I didn’t know then was that these compulsions were symptoms of postpartum depression and anxiety. They crept in slowly, steadily, stealthily. I didn’t just wake up sad one day without knowing why; I slipped slowly, perhaps even gracefully into a state of confusion, doubt, anxiety, and isolation. I’d never meant to go there — give way, give up. I resisted and put up a fight for as long as I could, but the darkness eventually wore me down, made me believe, and perhaps worst of all, made me trust.

The rabbit hole of postpartum depression and anxiety began to destroy me from the inside out. It wasn’t just the chronic strep throat, dangerously heavy menstrual cycles, severe exhaustion, or weight loss; it was how I began to flinch from even a flicker of light attempting to find me. The idea of happiness was too much. Too impossible. Too exhausting to even consider.

While mental illness carelessly and consciously consumed the best of me without consequence, my fiercest battle with depression and anxiety was ultimately won. Not cured, but won. The truth is that my family continues to live with depression, as it’s an undeniable part of the woman I am. Yes, depression may reside within me and require personal management, but I’m proud to tell you that it no longer has a stronghold on my spirit.

If you know this silent struggle, if you’re trying to hide your secret sadness, if you’re slowly losing your ability to feel, I want you to know these 10 things about postpartum depression:

1. Depression can come on slowly, so slowly that you may not even realize it’s happening. Far beyond blues you just can’t shake, depression begins to wear down your resolve, weaken your body, and cloud your judgment.

2. Depression is a player. Like a bad romance, depression lies to you, plays tricks on you, isolates you, and makes you believe.

3. Depression doesn’t discriminate. You don’t have to be young, old, male, female, broken, weak, unhealthy, have a family history of mental illness, or experience trauma to suffer from depression and anxiety.

4. Depression doesn’t have to win. Asking for help is the biggest, bravest, smartest, and hardest thing you will ever do for yourself. I can’t promise the folks you ask for help will necessarily understand, but ask anyway and keep asking until you get the help you deserve.

5. Some people will never understand. And I’m talking about people you love. Unless your loved ones have fought the demon of depression, they’ll likely never understand the epic battle raging within. Recognize the limitations of their understanding and know that we, the people who’ve been there, understand even if your loved ones can’t.

6. Recovery takes patience. It takes time to emerge from the darkness. It takes support, treatment, self-kindness, and the belief that you deserve better.

7. Some days are better than others. You’ll have good days, bad days, and days when you’re void of all emotion. Allow yourself to indulge in small things that bring you joy on the good days. Work your damndest to limit the things that rob your fragile spirit on bad days. And comfort (not pity) yourself on days when you feel nothing.

8. Recognize depression’s place in your life. Denying or ignoring depression doesn’t make it go away – believe me. Understand your body’s predisposition to depression and anxiety and work to identify your individual triggers. Doing so will assist in your recovery and long-term self-care.

9. Trust in your ability to get well. Even if postpartum depression has told you’ll never get better, tell yourself you will anyway. In time and with treatment, you’ll begin to believe it.

10. It gets better. Oh my God, does it get better. Darkness is merely a chapter or two in the beautiful book of your life and friend, your story has a happy ending.

Take a first step toward a better tomorrow with you at the center. We’re on your side, rooting for you, and ready to carry you there with our words and support. I’ve come out the other side and ultimately learned that life is wonderful and willing and waiting.

~ Lori Garcia

Lori Garcia is a writer and mother of two, living and loving in southern CA. When she’s not fussing with her bangs she authors Mommyfriend, a blog that almost never combines true tales of motherhood and mayhem with her education in Child Development. Lori has written for Babble, Yahoo! Shine, Mom.me, GalTime, The Baby Einstein Blog, and various parenting anthologies. Follow her on Twitter @mommyfriend.

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