Postpartum Anxiety Archives - Postpartum Progress

When Hope Is Hard To Come By During Postpartum Anxiety

By Katherine Stone May 15, 2013 1 Comment

I received so many great submissions for the Mother’s Day Rally for Moms’ Mental Health. SO. MANY. And because of the limited number of slots I wasn’t able to include all of them. Still, there are a few other people that I think it’s important for you to hear from. This letter is from Alyssa, Warrior Mom and postpartum anxiety survivor. I think her words are very appropriate for today, which happens to be the American Psychological Association’s Mental Health Blog Day.

Dear Moms,

I want to say: I know.

I know what the weather’s like. I know it’s stormy, and rainy, and cold and gray. I know your umbrella is broken, you packed the wrong jacket, and the forecast doesn’t look better for days, weeks or months.

I know.

There are days when it feels like nothing will ever be better. You will never feel like you again. Things will never return to the way they once were. Hope is hard to come by when you are overwhelmed by postpartum anxiety and related illnesses.

I am not here to say, “oh it gets better!” with a fake smile and shiny white teeth. I am here to look you in the eye, put my hand on your shoulder and reassure you that your sun will shine again. And until that day, we have a spare umbrella, a sweatshirt to share, and some warm tea to get you through.

I spent a long time, too long really, hiding from myself. I fought my darkness, thinking that I could do it on my own, and that my anxiety and intrusive thoughts would just go away. They didn’t. But I continued to hope they would, instead of confronting postpartum anxiety head on. In retrospect, I wish desperately that I would have addressed it sooner. Why did I suffer quietly? Was it shame? Fear? Truthfully, I don’t know. I just know that I wasn’t ready to acknowledge it as reality.

When I started seeing a therapist, I was given a diagnosis of PTSD, postpartum anxiety and a little bit of postpartum OCD. I had a traumatic c-section, which I thought was the root of my issues. However, once we dealt with the trauma, and watched it dissipate, more anxiety and OCD tendencies came out. The intrusive thoughts got even stronger. So, just when I thought we had “talked away” the real issue, more problems literally overwhelmed me. I was convinced I was broken, and that I would feel this terrible forever.

Until the day that I had an a-ha moment. I don’t know that everyone has these moments. I was talking with my therapist, bemoaning my reality. I am sick of feeling this way. I want to know when it will stop. Why can’t it all just go away? She looked at me quite simply and said, “Have you ever thought to thank your anxieties?” I am sure I looked at her like she had 14 heads and 5 hideous noses. She continued, “You went through something terrible. Your emotions are valid. Your anxieties are valid. Your mind is so aware and so hell-bent on protecting you that this is what it’s doing. Is it out of control? Yes. But how amazing, how lucky you are to have a brain and a body that cares so much for your well-being that it goes to such great lengths to ensure nothing like this happens again.”

It wasn’t that statement that fixed me. Truth be told, I am not “fixed.” I still feel my anxieties daily. But after that day, I started reframing them. Acknowledging them. Thanking them. It was so much easier than fighting a losing battle.

Today, I am a proud mama. I love my baby girl more than anything. I still think at least 200 absurd thoughts a day, and occasionally, on bad days, the intrusive thoughts are strong again. But my darkness is gone. Anxiety is a lonely, cold, terrible place to be, and I couldn’t let it be my reality. Now? It isn’t. It’s a part of my reality, but it is the same way any of my other character flaws (poor communication, bluntness) are.

You will be here, too. I know you will be. I believe in you, and I trust that you will find the same support I found. Look for it anywhere–close family, trusted friends, here on this very website, full of amazing resources and reassuring voices. Know that we are here for you, rooting for you, holding your hand. Know that there is nothing to be ashamed of. You are a great mother. You are a worthwhile person. And YOU will be YOU once more.

With all my love and hope,
Isha
www.everydayisha.com

May 15, 2013 9:38 am Filed Under: Postpartum Anxiety

Abby Berner: On Ten Tips For Surviving Postpartum Anxiety

By Katherine Stone May 12, 2013 13 Comments

Dear New, Beautiful, Mom,

I cry as I write this to you, because I know how you feel. Maybe you are wondering what the hell is happening to you right now. Maybe you are so lost you don’t know where to turn. Maybe you are just tired, and sad, and want to love your baby so much, but you think you can’t. You can’t feel “it,” or anything really. I was there, just six months ago when I realized I had postpartum anxiety and obsession-compulsive disorder. I had thoughts. Bad thoughts. Gut-wrenching, horrible, intrusive thoughts about my sweet baby boy. Thoughts that made me think I was going to hurt this innocent, beautiful child.

I did not think I could do much during the worst of it, let alone be a mom. But in this letter, I want to tell you a few things you can do to help yourself. The results from these “can-dos” may take a while to sink in, and you may still feel bad after trying them for the first time, but keep going. Postpartum anxiety does not go away in one day, or one week, as hard as we want it to. But it surely will fade into the background and you will get better. I still complete one or more of my “can-dos” below each day as I continue to recover.

Keep reading www.postpartumprogress.com. By doing this alone, you are educating yourself on what is happening to you and making progress. I read the website at least once every day. I think I have read almost every article at this point. I also signed up for Katherine’s “daily hope” emails for a year. They are delivered to my inbox at about 4:15am everyday (I know because I have desperately waited for it to arrive during those bad nights). They provide inspiration, hope, and a stable way to start your thought process for the day. Additionally, I joined the Warrior Moms Book Club through this site. To be honest, I had no desire to read anything when I joined, but I needed people. My “people” that were going through similar things as me. I actually met someone from my city through joining. The first book I forced myself to read, Sleepless Days, was insanely brilliant and comforting. Maybe you can read it someday, too.
Talk to someone. As soon as I realized that I was in a bad place, I got back on my medication and saw my therapist. I did this early on in my postpartum period, but not early enough. I was on anxiety medication for about seven years before I decided to get pregnant and then weaned myself off it a year before conceiving. I was med-free all through pregnancy (and I felt it during the first trimester), and then immediately upon birth. I was convinced I did not need it anymore. Huge mistake and the first mistake of my postpartum experience. I was not fully aware of my risk of postpartum anxiety and OCD based on my past and it got me good. If you do not want to try medications right away, or at all, you can talk to an ob/gyn, doula, midwife, and/or therapist. Someone who knows what is going on and can help you.
Read the book, Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts, by Karen Kleiman. This book helped change my life and my perspective on postpartum anxiety. I bought the eBook because I was afraid to order it and have my husband see. It became my go-to reference guide for my scary thoughts. I just read a part of it again yesterday to help through a “moment.”. You can get a new or used copy on amazon.com: Dropping the Baby [Read more...]

May 12, 2013 11:00 am Filed Under: Mother's Day Rally for Mental Health, Postpartum Anxiety, Postpartum Depression

Two Studies Find Postpartum Anxiety & OCD Much More Common

By Katherine Stone March 5, 2013 13 Comments

In the past, it was always estimated that about 3% of postpartum women would get postpartum OCD. That number never made any sense to me, given how many of you with whom I speak about intrusive thoughts and other significant obsessive and compulsive symptoms. Plus, I had postpartum OCD, so I’m probably a little biased.

A new study published in the Journal of Reproductive Medicine finds the number is much higher — one in ten new moms may have postpartum OCD. Researchers at Northwestern University watched 461 new mothers for OCD symptoms and found that 11% of moms had postpartum OCD symptoms — intrusive thoughts and compulsive actions like checking and rechecking on their babies or washing and rewashing bottles — at two weeks postpartum. Six months later, half of those who’d had the symptoms at two weeks still had them, and 5% had developed new symptoms of postpartum OCD. (This compares to an OCD prevalence in the general population of 3%.) The authors’ conclusion? If moms show postpartum OCD signs early, it is highly likely those symptoms will persist. Time to do a better job watching out for postpartum obsessive-compulsive disorder.

A different study published in the journal Pediatrics took a look at postpartum anxiety symptoms, noting that moms may be screened for postpartum depression but are not usually screened specifically for anxiety. The researchers from Penn State screened more than 1,000 moms using both the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale and the State Trait Anxiety Inventory. They found 17% had anxiety and 6% had depression symptoms in the first few weeks postpartum, and that anxiety remained more common than depression even at 6 months postpartum. Their conclusion is, in part, that postpartum anxiety may be more common than PPD. With this particular study, I’m more interested in what happens down the line than what happens in the first two weeks. Was there some way to identify, among those who presented with anxiety symptoms early, which moms were more likely to have persistent anxiety and require treatment?

March 5, 2013 10:55 am Filed Under: Postpartum Anxiety, Postpartum OCD

5 Ways To Stop Being Crushed With Worries

By Katherine Stone February 8, 2013 Leave a Comment

I am an expert on worrying. Worry. Worries. Queen Worrier. I can ruminate with the best of them. I can come up with “what ifs” with lightning quick intensity. This is part and parcel of my lifelong battle with anxiety, and for any of you who struggle with worry, you know how exhausting it can be.

I wanted to share this helpful story from Psych Central called Five Strategies to Reduce Excessive Worry. It’s easy to just want the quick remedy for anxiety and worries — where’s the pill or the drink or the nap I can grab so I can stop thinkingthinkingthinking and driving myself crazy. (And no, I’m not against taking medication as you WELL KNOW.) Thing is, whatever fast-acting balm we reach for doesn’t eliminate part of the problem: what we think about and how we think it.

The strategies Suzanne Phillips, PsyD, shares in this story can be very effective. I know it’s hard to imagine being able to change the way your mind works to actually get rid of anxiety, or at least lessen it, but you can. Among the strategies she explains how to schedule a time for focusing on your worries, and also how to focus on what is instead of on what if.

Few people benefit from the suggestion “ Stop worrying!” Whereas dismissing the worry may not be realistic, postponing worry has proven helpful to many.

I highly suggest checking out the article and putting some of Phillips’ strategies in play. You might be surprised at how these ideas will help put your worries in check.

February 8, 2013 10:08 am Filed Under: Postpartum Anxiety