Help for Fathers Archives - Postpartum Progress

Depression In Men: A Dad’s Story of Male Postpartum Depression

By Katherine Stone April 24, 2012 17 Comments

Men get depressed in the first year postpartum, too. Whether you call it paternal postpartum depression or something else, what we do know is that new fathers’ suffering can impact the health of their children just as the depression of new mothers can. It’s important for men to recognize when they have depression in the first year after the birth of their baby, and that something can be done about it. Here, counselor and dad Craig Mullins shares his own story of postpartum depression, and how he now works to help other men get through it at his Colorado counseling practice.

As a husband, a father and a professional counselor specializing in working with men I was particularly moved by Postpartum Progress’ recent series from “Warrior Dads.” I found myself relating not just professionally, having heard similar stories of successes and failures, but relating personally as I recalled those early days and months often feeling like I was a flailing new dad.

We were so excited to be pregnant. Our friends and families showered us with congratulatory gestures and gifts beyond expectations. It was exciting and I was proud.

We got the typical cracks such as, “You better sleep now,” but they just rolled off my back. In all the hundreds of supportive comments only one cautioned us of the realities of how hard parenting a newborn can be … only one, and she was cutoff mid-sentence as she was scolded for speaking such words.

Even if every person were more up front about the potential pitfalls, I don’t think it would have mattered. I read The Expectant Father, I eagerly participated in birthing classes, and I read the research about how much better kids do when dad is present, nurturing and connected from infancy. I had even written papers and given presentations on the importance of a father’s involvement!

I represented the new generation of dads who’d participate willingly in caring for their infants. With bravado I embraced the impending change of fatherhood for I was sensitive, strong, nurturing, resourceful, and prepared … and within the first few moments of my daughter’s birth it quickly became apparent I had no idea what I had gotten myself into. [Read more...]

April 24, 2012 9:41 am Filed Under: Help for Fathers

For The Dads: Why You Need Support Through Her Postpartum Depression Too

By Katherine Stone March 23, 2012 9 Comments

My husband had one more thing to add to our series last week from dads on postpartum depression: how important it is for dads to watch out for themselves, too.

I wrote a piece a couple of days ago focusing on the three things men should know and do about postpartum depression to help their wives or partners. Out of necessity, your primary objective will be to help your wife recover, recognizing what to do and how to get help. One thing that I felt was lacking in my story, though, was any real discussion about the emotions involved for dads as they live through their wives’ postpartum depression.

Now if you’re not into talking about guys’ emotions, that’s cool. Respect. Go have a bourbon and soda; it’s all good.

But one thing I’ve never written about was just how scary that stuff was. For me. I’ve never shared how close it came to destroying our marriage. About how I gained 20 pounds from the nonstop stress of it all. It became the driving, all-consuming force in my life for a while. Not my new baby, not my wife, but that terrible disease. The support of my wife and getting through her postpartum OCD became everything my life was about, whether I was facing it or actively ignoring it. [Read more...]

March 23, 2012 9:22 am Filed Under: Help for Fathers

Dads Speak Out on Postpartum Depression, Part 6: Trying To Understand

By Katherine Stone March 18, 2012 4 Comments

It’s been an amazing week of input from the dads. I hope in the future we can continue to share stories from fathers so that dads seeking information and understanding can see they’re not alone. Today, we wrap up with a few brief comments from dad Paul Malinauskas, who has been in the throes of PPD with his wife:

Trying to describe the combination of sadness and bewilderment that I feel is difficult. I know, in my head and in my heart, that my wife is suffering for reasons beyond her control. I know that she is frustrated beyond words that she sometimes doesn’t feel like she’s really our son’s mother, or that it’s never going to get better. I have heard her say that she was disappointed by the whole birth experience, that it didn’t go the way she wanted. I know all of this hurts her, and I’m so sorry because I can’t make any of it better. But in my selfish moments (which I seem to have too often) I don’t understand why she can’t just forget the way the birth went. Why can’t she move on? The baby, and I, need her here, and now.

When I find myself thinking like that, the hardest thing is to put the brakes on it and remember that none of this is voluntary. She really does love our little boy. She is still who she always was, and I believe there is hope for tomorrow to be better than today.

Paul, thank you so much for your honesty. I’m sure that many fathers whose wives and partners are going through postpartum depression or related illnesses have similar thoughts. I know my husband did.

I hope you have all enjoyed our series!

March 18, 2012 9:59 am Filed Under: Help for Fathers, Postpartum Depression

Dads Speak Out on Postpartum Depression, Part 5: Diving In To Help

By Katherine Stone March 17, 2012 8 Comments

Welcome to day 5 of our weeklong series on the father’s perspective of PPD. Today we welcome Rick Brannan, husband of Warrior Mom Amy Brannan:

After Ella was born in May of 2007 our house seemed too small, so Amy started scouting for a new house. It wasn’t too long until we found one we liked. We put our house on the market and received an offer almost immediately. We made an offer on the house we liked and it was accepted. In October 2007 we sold a house, bought a house, and moved.

When Amy started to complain about always being tired, I figured it was just the extra stress and work of selling the house along with the move that was catching up with her. It wasn’t until the day we moved that it began to dawn on me that something more was wrong.

Amy and I ended up back at the old house to finish cleaning up. She was tired, but it had been a long day so it seemed reasonable. We got some take-out Chinese food on the way to the house, so there we sat, in our empty house, eating Chinese food. Only Amy was so tired, she couldn’t eat. She couldn’t even talk. [Read more...]

March 17, 2012 9:03 am Filed Under: Help for Fathers, Postpartum Depression