in the middle of postpartum depressionIf you’re in the throes of postpartum depression …

It’s not a matter of will. It’s a matter of well.

The advice to “try to think happy thoughts” will not work for you, and it’s not your fault.

If you’re in the throes of postpartum depression …

You feel like you’re not good enough.  The truth is you’re just not healthy enough, and it’s not your fault.  When you fall ill with a virus do you blame yourself or do you treat it?

If you’re in the throes of postpartum depression …

It’s not always a matter of company. It’s often a matter of honesty. Being surrounded by a room full of people can be a good distraction, but it won’t take away the isolation. It’s easier to be in a room with one person you can be vulnerable with, than twenty you have to hold it together for.

If you’re in the throes of postpartum depression …

You’re not failing. You’re flailing.  Flailing indicates hope, a struggle … and with help, chances are you won’t drown.

If you’re in the throes of postpartum depression …

Your family isn’t better off without you, they’re better off with the whole you.

If you’re in the throes of postpartum depression, tell someone.  Tell your partner, tell a friend, and tell your doctor.  The shame cannot thrive in the light.

I write this not as a doctor (because I’m not one), but as someone who has been “in the throes.”  The first step I took in the right direction was when I finally uttered the words, “something’s not right with me.” So few of us are the exact mothers we envisioned we would be, but there were times when I wasn’t even me at all.

The baby I had cherished before I even felt him move in the womb had suddenly become the biggest mistake I had ever made.  I felt misplaced.  I felt useless.  I felt crazy, and I wanted out.

Postpartum depression can affect people in many different ways.  Some women cry constantly – some hardly at all.  I experienced periods of hopeless crying, sudden rage, and then at times complete disconnection from everything,  but I rarely experienced feeling comfortable as “me”.

YOU are worth fighting for.  YOU are in there somewhere…

and if you are in the throes of postpartum depression …

it’s not your fault,

and YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

~ Jenni Chiu

 

Photo credit: © Piotr Marcinski – Fotolia.com