I am limping into Friday after an anxiety-filled week, so this is one of those days when I know I need humor, and lots of it. Humor is always a balm for whatever ails me. When I need to let loose with a laugh, I step back, give myself a break from work and check out the latest on Buzzfeed or watch whatever YouTube video everyone is sharing on Facebook. Today, however, I don’t need Buzzfeed, because I’ve got pooping.
Wait. That didn’t come out right.
Anyway, thanks to the lovely people at Cottonelle who sponsored this post and who also make quality toilet paper, I’m thinking about butts this morning, so #LetsTalkBums.
In our house, we love to laugh about inappropriate things because we are an inappropriate family. When you think about it, bottoms shouldn’t be in the inappropriate category to begin with. We all have them and we all use them but thanks to our Puritan beginnings there’s nothing more giggle-inducing than butts.
This is why we find euphemisms — words or phrases that are used in place of one that may be considered unpleasant — for going to the bathroom so funny. This morning I did a search and found many. Some we use in our family which I will not share here in public on the grounds they may be used against me at some later date, and some I must say I’ve never heard before, such as the following:
I’ve got to go back one out.
I’ve got to go build a log cabin.
I’m gonna clear the hallways.
I’ve got to go boom boom.
I’ve got to go release the Kraken.
I’ll be peeling the wallpaper.
I’ve got to go check my messages.
I’m prairie dogging.
There were others, believe me, but there’s only so far I can go on a family website. Many of them made me snort out loud so if they don’t make you laugh please don’t tell me because then I’ll feel like there is something terribly wrong with me.
I’m a mom, as are most of you, and we have no other choice than to come in contact with more than one bum in our daily lives. And as much as I love my kids, and I do, I’d say the cleanliness and comfort of mine is as much or perhaps — dare I say it? — even more important than theirs. I demand nothing less than the best when it comes to toilet paper, and yes, I WILL JUDGE YOU if I come to your house or place of business and you only offer single ply. Cottonelle is my personal brand preference, and even more so now that they offer Cottonelle Fresh Care Flushable Cleansing Cloths (both for your bathroom and in on-the-go packs) because there are times when you need a little extra help in the cleanliness department. You know what I’m saying. Don’t act like you don’t. Sometimes you’re going to need the combo power of toilet paper and a nice refreshing wipe to get things done.
Anyway, the adorable Cherry Healey is working with Cottonelle to make sure you are aware of the excellent tools at your disposal — pun intended — for both you and your family’s bums. Please enjoy, and hope you have a laugh today. I know we all need it.
Let’s Talk About Your Bum
Disclosure: This post was sponsored by Cottonelle. All opinions are my own.