The more women who share their stories of postpartum depression, the more likely it is someone else will see it, recognize what is wrong and reach out for help. Recently, blogger Natalie Hoage shared her PPD story on MoonFrye.com, and I thought you’d like to read it. One of Natalie’s risk factors for postpartum depression was her experience with infertility. A highlight of her story:
And in the middle of the night, I started thinking that maybe I really didn’t want to be a mom. Maybe I wasn’t cut out for it. I wasn’t feeling this connection with my baby that everybody always talked about. I was scared that I didn’t feel like I thought a mom should. But I didn’t tell anybody else. I put on a smile and tried to pretend that this was the best thing that ever happened to me.
I’m sure this sounds familiar to many of you.
A guest blogger at Black Box Warnings recently wrote about having postpartum OCD and anxiety and her description reminds me so much of how I felt:
I knew my brain was somehow stuck on one track, like a needle skipping on an old record player. But there was no controlling it, this fear. This blinding panic seeping into my mind, stealing my thoughts away, replacing them with terrible thoughts I never imagined in my worst nightmares.
And finally, Stephanie at Girl of Grace shared her postpartum depression story as well. Stephanie’s risk factors included a death in the family and babies that went to the NICU. Here’s some of what she wrote:
I knew something was wrong, but it wasn’t until I began having severe panic attacks that I knew I couldn’t pretend anymore. I needed help…but I felt so ashamed and alone admitting that, even though I was blessed with two beautiful children, I could barely get out of bed in the morning.
All three of these moms got help. All three of them recovered. I know it took courage for them to share their stories publicly, and I also know their bravery will help others. As always.
Thank you for sharing and thank you to the moms for putting it out there. xox
Katherine,
Thank you for linking back to Black Box Warnings. Darla’s post was a courageous one. I will let her know. You run a great site, and a wonderful resources for women, and for men.
Le Clown
I had all of these thoughts – which were a complete 180 from everything I had thought during my pregnancy and entire life leading up to motherhood. “What did I do to my amazing life?” “I am a horrible mother / person / wife / daughter / friend” “The rest of my life is going to be in this living room, hair a mess, in pajamas, crying, with a screaming baby.” “Oh. My. G-d. I can not be alone with this child I am going to do something wrong, what if she cries, what if I cry, what if… (fill in the blank).”
The biggest surprise for me was the complete loss of perspective – that this would be THE REST OF MY LIFE. That my daughter would NEVER BE HAPPY and NEVER STOP CRYING and I would NEVER be my fun, happy, smart, funny self again.
The panic and anxiety was crippling, and I was terrified to be alone – until my medication kicked in. And until therapy made me realize that I was in fact that mother I knew I would be. One day I was suddenly singing to my daughter – when weeks before I couldn’t even think of a lullaby to attempt to muster up the strength to sing. Then a few days later I told her I loved her – and meant it – and cried happy tears for the first time in almost three months.
Everyone’s experience is so different – and to different degrees. Mothers talk about faking smiles while inside feeling so awful – I couldn’t even do that. But even I got better – and hope that every mom knows that they will too.
hello i feal the same , I thimk i goimg to get crazy and i donr khow what to do all this scary thougtd
s… ohh my god I really really really need help, my dauther has 11 months and i ddint see the ligth at the end of this tunel ……. my husband bay me things and pretend everything is going to be ok also i have and 10 years old dauther that see something is wrong……i dont khow where to start ……
Thank you for linking back to my post on Moonfrye! If my honesty…especially the ugly stuff that is so hard to admit…helps just one mom know that what she is feeling is not “bad” than I know sharing it is doing the right thing.
What you do? Is amazing and such a gift to others. I just Iwish I would’ve known about your blog and all of the resources out there when I was going through it.