Postpartum depression was like a ticking time bomb inside of methatgrewmore quickly than the tiny being growingin my womb.But unlike the forcefulkicks I felt from my son or his sweet hiccups that kept me up at night,I never felt postpartum depression. I didn't even know that it had existed within me.
I thought I was immune.
Shortly after I delivered my son, postpartum depression and anxiety had literally punched me so hard that I had no idea what happened. I wasexperiencing such a vastrange of emotions that flipped on and off without my control.The anxiety I experiencedwasso intense that every momentof my day was spent in crippling fear.I thought I was going crazy andhad noidea that these were actuallysymptoms of postpartum depression.
I struggled with this "crazy" feeling for six weeks because I was afraid to get help. For someone who issuffering with a mental illness, a single hour feels like an eternity andI suffered with these symptoms untreated for six entire weeks.
Six whole weeks of hell.
I have come to learn in my recovery that I had a lot of risk factors that had put me at a higher risk of getting postpartum depression.I never knew it because I was never screened. I truly believe that if I was screened prior to my delivery, I would have been prepared. My family would have been prepared.
And this genuinesmile? …
… might not have taken at least 8 months to get back.
Kimberly
How are you now, Kimberly??? Last time I checked your blog there were still some struggles. Are you still healing?
i always think its so amazing how another woman's (someone i've never met) description of ppd emotions can so accurately mirror what my own were. we dont all have to have been hospitalized or had trauma with birthing – but we've all been to that deep dark scary place and worried we wouldn't make it out. thanks for sharing!
I am definitely much better than what I was. It took a solid 8 months to overcome the severity of my symptoms…meaning I started to notice change at the 8 month mark. From there it was up and down…forwards…backwards…sideways…
And yes you are right, at two years PP I still have bad patches like I am currently going through. Please do not get discouraged when you read my blog because EVERYONE is different. I have a long family history of depression and anxiety disorders so PPD very well could have surfaced what was in me all along.
The thing is that with each setback, I still have hope. Something that 2 years ago, I never ever had. I know that it will pass and I will be well. Hope is very powerful when you're in the thick of it.
Again, don't be discouraged when you read mine or anyone elses story. The thing to remember in each story is that this can be overcome…that there is help put there…and you're never alone.
I too find it incredibly amazing that we all come from different backgrounds yet our pain is the exact same.
All of our stories of how we were victims of this horrific illness help other women feel not so alone. I can remember clinging to the very words of all the survivor stories out there, because when you're in the middle of the chaos you don't believe you'll ever make it out on the other side.
That's a terrible feeling. That's why I started blogging because I wanted to give that hope to some unfortunate woman who would have to walk on my shoes one day.
Thanks so much for the reply. I am sorry to hear thaat you hit another rough patch. BUT, like you said, HOPE is very powerful. And really does get us through, doesn't it?
I have had PPD for 10 months. Just began therapy, and have not taken meds for about 5 months now. Didn't do much for me, and the side effects were intolerable.
I an functional, but still feel hopeless so much of the time. No one seems to understand this…I know that you know what I mean.
Do you think it is possible that we can heal without meds? i feel so much pressure to take them, but I wont. Not anymore. I am praying that my perserverence, therapy, good vitamin supplements and nutrition will all heal my mind and body, eventually. Thanks! And I HOPE that YOU feel well again, soon!!!
Kris