Postpartum OCD Archives - Postpartum Progress

Lauren Hale: On Whether Postpartum OCD Will Ever Go Away

By Katherine Stone May 12, 2013 6 Comments

Dear New Mom,

As a parent, you get used to hearing an infinite amount of questions about everything.

“Why is the sky blue? Was the TV always in color? Why can’t I wear shorts today? Can I eat M&M’s for breakfast? Why do I have to go to school? Where’s my lovey? Why do I have to sleep?”

Those are the easy questions.

Then, there are harder questions. Questions about life, nightmares, and all that is not good in the world.

As a parent, when our children ask about hard things, we cringe before we answer, hoping we will give them the best answer without traumatizing them for life (and if we do, well, there’s another dollar for the therapy jar).

I do the same with postpartum advocacy.

There are easy questions:

“How do I talk to my doctor about this? Where do I find support? What are Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorders?”

Then, there are the questions which make me cringe. Questions about when they’ll get better, when the postpartum disorder will finally lift and they’ll be back to the self they were before the baby and before fighting back against this horrible beast. [Read more...]

May 12, 2013 1:00 am Filed Under: Mother's Day Rally for Mental Health, Postpartum OCD

What To Do If You Have Postpartum OCD

By Katherine Stone March 7, 2013 3 Comments

As I shared earlier this week, it is possible that postpartum OCD occurs much more often than originally thought, perhaps in as many as 10% of new moms.

Since there’s so much discussion about postpartum OCD in the news, I wanted to make sure we talked a little more about it here. I have a lot of personal interest, since that’s what I struggled with. I remember combing through websites and forums looking for information that would help explain what was wrong with me, and when I saw the typical short lists of postpartum depression symptoms I really couldn’t see myself. Yes, I was upset and miserable, but the lists didn’t mention anything about disturbing thoughts or constant worry and being continuously afraid that I’d mess up or hurt my baby.

When you don’t see yourself reflected in the information that’s available, that’s just as scary as the illness itself. You start to believe you’ve really gone irretrievably crazy and that no one will be able to fix you. You’re an island. A terrifying island. Once I finally found out there was such a thing as postpartum OCD I was profoundly angry that no one had warned me it was possible to have something called intrusive thoughts and they didn’t mean I was a monster.

I think part of the problem stems from the belief most of us have of what OCD looks like. We think of OCD as someone who hoards things or washes their hands a million times a day and if we aren’t doing those things we can’t imagine that we might have obsessive-compulsive disorder. While those are certainly potential signs, intrusive thoughts (scary “what if” thoughts) are another. So are compulsions like checking on the baby over and over again or, like I did, folding and refolding all the burp cloths so they were perfectly square.

If you have postpartum OCD or anxiety symptoms like these, know that it’s okay. You’re not ruined forever, you’re not a danger to society, and you’re not a bad mom. You just need a little help. Perinatal mood and anxiety disorders like PPD and PPOCD are common and fully treatable. I’d suggest reaching out to a local advocacy group or calling PSI at 1-800-944-4PPD to find the support people closest to you so that you can get help from someone who understands postpartum OCD and how to help you.

Meantime, here’s my personal postpartum OCD story which appeared in Newsweek magazine in 2004. I thought you might like to see that you’re definitely NOT alone.

(P.S. You also might like this one: Does Having Scary Thoughts Mean You’ll Act On Them?)

March 7, 2013 9:46 am Filed Under: Postpartum OCD

Two Studies Find Postpartum Anxiety & OCD Much More Common

By Katherine Stone March 5, 2013 13 Comments

In the past, it was always estimated that about 3% of postpartum women would get postpartum OCD. That number never made any sense to me, given how many of you with whom I speak about intrusive thoughts and other significant obsessive and compulsive symptoms. Plus, I had postpartum OCD, so I’m probably a little biased.

A new study published in the Journal of Reproductive Medicine finds the number is much higher — one in ten new moms may have postpartum OCD. Researchers at Northwestern University watched 461 new mothers for OCD symptoms and found that 11% of moms had postpartum OCD symptoms — intrusive thoughts and compulsive actions like checking and rechecking on their babies or washing and rewashing bottles — at two weeks postpartum. Six months later, half of those who’d had the symptoms at two weeks still had them, and 5% had developed new symptoms of postpartum OCD. (This compares to an OCD prevalence in the general population of 3%.) The authors’ conclusion? If moms show postpartum OCD signs early, it is highly likely those symptoms will persist. Time to do a better job watching out for postpartum obsessive-compulsive disorder.

A different study published in the journal Pediatrics took a look at postpartum anxiety symptoms, noting that moms may be screened for postpartum depression but are not usually screened specifically for anxiety. The researchers from Penn State screened more than 1,000 moms using both the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale and the State Trait Anxiety Inventory. They found 17% had anxiety and 6% had depression symptoms in the first few weeks postpartum, and that anxiety remained more common than depression even at 6 months postpartum. Their conclusion is, in part, that postpartum anxiety may be more common than PPD. With this particular study, I’m more interested in what happens down the line than what happens in the first two weeks. Was there some way to identify, among those who presented with anxiety symptoms early, which moms were more likely to have persistent anxiety and require treatment?

March 5, 2013 10:55 am Filed Under: Postpartum Anxiety, Postpartum OCD

The Two Scariest Moments of Her Postpartum OCD

By Katherine Stone November 6, 2012 14 Comments

Today is part 2 of Becky’s story of struggling with severe postpartum OCD, in which she shares the two scariest moments for her during that experience. (Please note: If you are currently vulnerable, you may want to skip this story because sometimes reading about other people’s intrusive thoughts can cause you to have them.)

I was alone with my mom and my baby girl Hannah, spending an extra night at the lake house. I had been feeling the anxiety and fear rising within me all day long, but tried to suppress and ignore it. It was bath time, and I was sitting by the tub watching Hannah happily splash around and play with her bath toys. The thought just popped into my head out of nowhere. She was so small, vulnerable, and weak against my adult strength, it would be so easy to just push her under the water. I immediately began to panic, unplugged the drain, yanked Hannah out of the tub and screamed for my mom to help me. It was only then that I told her what I was going through.

For the remainder of that week, Hannah and I stayed with my mom and I searched for support groups to help me. When I called the birth center at the hospital where Hannah was born, I explained what I was feeling only to be met with the opinion of a misinformed staff member who told me over the phone that I was experiencing postpartum psychosis, a mental illness that is completely different from postpartum anxiety and postpartum OCD. I couldn’t believe that this woman was so unaware and so uneducated about the various forms of mood and anxiety disorders that women face after giving birth. As you can imagine, this only heightened my anxiety and made things worse. I thought, “Maybe Hannah really is in danger.”

The second time that my anxiety reached a peak was during a weekend in the Adirondacks at my in-laws’ summer cabin a few weeks later. I had tried everything to ease my anxiety that morning. I went kayaking, swam in the cool and calming lake, took my dogs for a fast paced walk, but nothing worked. I felt like I was on the verge of a panic attack all morning, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

It was time to get Hannah dressed, and my husband left the room for no more than ten seconds to grab a clean diaper. Here was my precious, beautiful baby, crawling toward me with a huge smile. I began to shake again thinking of my sheer physical power over her. She was so dependent and vulnerable. ” I could never act out on the thought, right?” is what I was thinking. With a trembling hand, I tested myself. I actually put my hand on my daughter’s head to see if I had it in me to push it into the pillows. I know I sound like a monster. It’s totally irrational, and of course, I couldn’t do it. Feeling like a criminal and absolutely terrified, I immediately told my mother-in-law and husband what had happened and insisted that I needed to go to the emergency room because my anxiety had just taken over, and I was worried for the safety of my child.

Reluctantly, my husband drove me the nearest hospital. I say reluctantly because he was worried about what would happen when I told the ER doctors what happened. Would Hannah be taken away? Would I have to be admitted to a mental hospital? Would I lose my job as a teacher? The truth is, I didn’t care. All I could focus on was making sure my daughter was safe, and getting the help I needed. If I had to be away from my baby for a bit in order to ensure these things, I was willing.

Thank goodness I was able to speak with a psychiatrist who assured me that I was not psychotic, I was not going to hurt my child, and that I just had acute anxiety paired with postpartum OCD that was making these irrational and horrible intrusive thoughts play over and over again in my head. When you can’t fight the thoughts off, they become real to the person experiencing them. They terrorize mothers into believeing that because they have the thoughts, they must want to do these things, when in fact it is just the opposite. He described postpartum OCD as a mother’s natural instinct to protect her child gone haywire. He explained that postpartum mothers who hurt their children are not frightened by their thought and/or are delusional. I left feeling much better. He got me on the right meds and referred me to a great therapist and psychiatrist, both of whom I still see today.

I was able to conquer my anxiety with therapy, medicine, and good exercise. I also reached a point where I could fully enjoy my baby, but it really did take time and patience even though I wanted to feel better immediately.

I wish I had known how common this is among new moms. I felt very alone, and truly began to question who I was as a person deep down. I’ve never been violent. I love animals and children, am empathetic, and love my family and friends to no end. I would have never ever imagined that this could happen to me. I learned that the thoughts were not there because I wanted them to happen or even worse, that they were going to happen.

I’ve been great for many months now, with only the occassional intrusive thought that I can shake off pretty easily.

I will not deny that I still have some bad days, even weeks, but learning that I am not alone, that my thoughts and fears are not uncommon, and that I can find support from other women who’ve had postpartum OCD like me has made all the difference.

~ Becky G., Syracuse, NY

November 6, 2012 10:00 am Filed Under: Postpartum OCD