PPD Survivor Amanda Rose, who writes the blog Rebuild from Depression, recently published a list that she crafted before having a second child. Amanda suffered from depression during her first pregnancy, and continued to suffer postpartum, including having some psychotic episodes. It took her approximately two years to fully recover.

Amandasays "The List" was an agreementshe made with her husbandto ensure that her needs were taken care of if they ever had another child, which they didn't plan to but did. I think this issomething that might be helpful for anyone considering having another child after an episode of perinatal mood or anxiety disorder, so I got permission from Amanda to reprint it here.

The List (also known as "Future Baby Agreement")

1) If I say I need something, the correct response is:

"I will figure out how to make that happen."

The incorrect responses are

"Are you sure?" or

"How much will that cost?"

2) Do not expect me to earn more than $XX a month (5-8 hours of work each week). I cannot be a money machine and a baby machine at the same time. If other money needs to be made, someone else needs to do it. And if my demands from item #1 on the list exceed my own earning power, that should not be my problem.

3) If we need more funds to pay for #1 on the list, reducing retirement savings is far better than me going bananas. Retirement is still decades away. The mental institution is just a few miles away.

4) If it becomes unreasonable for me to earn even $XX a month, then revert to #1 on the list.

5) Should I earn more than $XX a month, the excess will pay for additional household staff at my discretion.

6) I will not require us to move to a deserted island during my pregnancy so that you can harvest wild seafood for my dinner while I bask in the sun. Though it is my pregnancy fantasy, I won't make it a requirement under Item #1. It would, however, make a handsome holiday gift.

"The List" worked. I knew well how important it was for me to put myself first and so did the rest of my family. My code phrase in invoking the list was "I need…." When I said, "I need…," I got it. I asked for nothing unreasonable, just for what I needed. In one memorable moment last summer I was having difficulty with a contract and I gave it up to our financial detriment. We could have used the money but the cost was really too high. My husband never even whispered disapproval.

The focus on "what I need" has retrained my thinking. Even today during the normal rhythms of daily life, I lay next to Alastair to rest and thought to myself, "I need to rest." This was a coded message to my brain: forget the house and work, relax your muscles and just lay here for a while.

"The List" is important and it works (if you can actually manage to put your needs first, that is).

Great advice, Amanda. Thank you so much for letting me share this on Postpartum Progress.